Page 49 of Before I Love You


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I feel Connor’s lips brush against my forehead before he whispers in my ear. “This is one promise I know in my soul I’ll keep.”

As I drift off, I hope that when I wake up in the morning, everything will be as it should be and that I haven’t set myself up for heartbreak once again.

I feel like it’s only a few minutes later when I bolt up straight in the bed, clutching my chest, right over my heart, and look around the room. The soft glow of the morning sun filters through the window. Small shadows play across the wall from the trees outside.

“It must be just before sunrise,” I say softly, catching sight of the pile of clothes at the foot of the bed.

“It’s too early to be awake.” Connor groans from beside me, throwing his arm across my waist and attempting to pull me back into the bed.

“I have to go to the bathroom,” I whisper as I remove his arm and slide out of the bed, pulling the blanket with me.

You weren’t this shy last night when his face was intimately acquainted with your pussy.

“I’ve already seen everything before and have plans of tracing every inch of you with my tongue when you come back to bed.”

My cheeks heat with embarrassment as I clutch the blanket tightly to my body, memories of what happened filling my mind. I scoop my clothes off the floor and scurry to the bathroom, the deep baritone of Connor’s voice following behind me.

“What was I thinking?” I say to my reflection, turning on the faucet and splashing cool water onto my face.

I wasn’t thinking, that’s the problem. I let my feelings for Connor and the way he made my body sing dictate my actions, letting my emotions be in control. The exactopposite of what I should have done. “I need to get home so I can think without Connor near me.”

I quickly slip back into my clothes before quietly opening the bathroom door and peeking out to see if Connor is still awake. By some stroke of luck, he’s fallen back to sleep. The sheet is draped over his legs as the sunlight reflects against his tan, giving it a warm glow. My hand twitches at my side with the need to run the tips of my fingers down the planes of his chest, taking my time to trace each of his ab muscles as they flex beneath my fingers.

It wouldn’t take much effort to strip down and return to bed, eagerness for a repeat performance of last night overcoming me, but I shake my head. I need to think this through and make sure that whatever this is between Connor and me is worth risking everything, and I can’t do that wrapped in his arms.

“Trying to make a clean getaway?” I gasp in shock before spinning around and coming face-to-face with Connor. He’s propped up in the bed, the sheet pooling around his waist.

“I need to head to work. Bristol called while I was in the bathroom and asked me to take over her class this morning,” I choke out as he slides out of the bed, thankfully with a pair of boxers on, and wraps his arms around me.

“Hmm, too bad. I was really hoping to have you for breakfast.” Connor nuzzles his nose into the crook of my neck and inhales deeply before planting a kiss on the shellof my ear.

“Sorry. Duty calls,” I keep my head down as I try to slip out of his arms, but it’s no use.

Connor grips my chin, forcing me to look at him. “Don’t run away from me, okay? I’m sorry if I scared you with what I said last night, but I meant every word. I won’t take them back, but I can wait for you to feel the same way. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Okay.” My voice cracks slightly, my sense of self-preservation telling me I need to run as far away from here as possible. “I’ll call you later.”

Connor’s eyes scan my face, searching for any sign of a lie on my part, then leans forward and kisses me softly. “See you later, beautiful.”

I nod my head quickly before spinning on my heels and heading down the stairs and straight out the front door. Searing pain flows through my entire body as waves of agony pull me under as I shut the front door behind me and race toward my car.

“I just need to hold on until I get home.” I sob as I yearn for numbness to cut me off from all these feelings that I’m so desperate to forget.

I don’t know how I get home and pull into my driveway, but I don’t move. It could have been only a few minutes or an hour as I sit here, my head resting against the steering wheel, alternating between soul-crushing sobs and numbness. What started out as an amazing day with the promise of a happy ending has come crashing to the groundbecause I can’t seem to stop worrying about the what-ifs.

“I can’t believe this is happening again.” I bury my face in my hands and continue to sob, trying to make sense of the last hour of my life.

I tried to be careful and protect my heart from Connor, but he broke down all my defenses, worming his way into my heart and becoming a part of me. A part that will remain broken until the day I die. He promised to give me everything I could ever imagine, but I was too afraid of being another replacement that I sabotaged us before we even got started.

The shrill ring of my cellphone in my back pocket breaks me from my stupor. “Hello.”

“Hey, girl.” Bristol’s voice comes across the line. “The baby is not too happy this morning. Is there any way you can open the studio and teach the first class for me this morning?”

Tears pool in my eyes as all the emotions I’ve been trying desperately to keep in check come bubbling to the surface. “Bristol.”

“What happened?”

“I messed up. I let him… I let him…” My heart constricts in my chest as the expectations of everyone come crashing down around me. I gasp for air as sadness unlike anything I’ve ever felt overtakes me.

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