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“What’s the worst that the cards could say?” I whisper into my empty room as I shove my arms through the straps and pull the bra over my head.
That a relationship with Connor is a lousy idea.
I plop down on the edge of the bed, threading my arms through my sports bra and pulling it over my head before checking my reflection in the mirrorabove my dresser. My curls are a rumpled mess, sticking out in every direction like a haystack, but what gets my attention is my eyes. There is a life to them that hasn’t been there in a while. Maybe this thing with Connor is a good thing. I’ve never been afraid of what the cards have to tell me. Why should I start now?
I push off the bed and head directly for the deck of tarot cards. I shuffled them last night before putting them in the drawer, so I don’t bother doing it again. I take a deep breath to center myself before cutting the deck and shutting my eyes. I take one final cleansing breath and ask my question. “Is Connor trying to replace his wife with me?”
I flip the top card over and open my eyes, looking directly into the mirror. It’s the Devil card, the worst card to pull in a relationship draw. “I have my answer,” I whisper as tears fall down my cheeks like waterfalls. “There is no way I can have a healthy relationship with Connor Bennett.”
I drop the rest of the deck as I pull out a random drawer and grab some clothes. I have no idea what I’m wearing, but it’s better than going into public naked. Functioning on autopilot, I stumble out of my bedroom and down the stairs, grabbing my bag and yoga mat before heading out the door.
“He isn’t over Lydia.” My knuckles turn white as sadness turns to anger. That’s the most logical conclusion when the Devil card appears. He’s never hidden his feelings for his wife from me. At first, I thoughtit was to put me at ease, but maybe I was wrong. While I was baring my soul to him about what happened with Ian, the only thing he was interested in was a quick roll in the hay. My anger continues to bubble beneath the surface as I pull into a parking spot. He said all the right things to get me into bed with him, but I won’t fall for that again. I refuse to be another replacement, a placeholder to bide their time while they love someone else.
“What happened?” Bristol’s voice startles me as she knocks on the window, causing me to jump in surprise. “You were close to tears when I left your place, and now you look as if you’re ready to commit murder.”
I open the door and growl, “I fell for his tricks,” before storming past her and into the studio. Heading directly for the break room, I throw my bag onto the table and pace. “I can’t believe that even after I told him everything that happened with Ian, he still went through with his plan.”
Bristol stands in my path. “You need to give me more information because you aren’t making any sense.”
I cross my arms over my chest. “After you left, I did a card reading to help me decide what to do…” I trail off as Bristol rolls her eyes at me.
“When are you going to stop basing your fate on those darn tarot cards?”
“I ignored the cards before with Ian. I can’t make the same mistake again,” I mumble. “I got the Devil card.”
“And? That’s what made you believe Connor was a complete asshole?” Bristol brushes past me and grabs abottle of water from the cooler, quickly twisting off the cap and taking a swig. “Connor is the best thing that has ever happened to you and Love. Don’t let some stupid cards get in the way of your happiness.”
I lean against the door frame and think about everything Bristol said. I’m letting my attachment to those cards get in the way again. Connor is a devoted father and has been nothing but truthful with me since I arrived in town. If the rumor mill in town is correct, Connor hasn’t been with anyone since Lydia died, only me. There’s no way he was intentionally leading me on, but the cards still say we aren’t meant to be together.
“You’re right. There’s no way Connor would use me, but we can’t be together.”
“Why is that?” Bristol grabs my hand, pulling me to sit at the small table in the break room.
“He wants a relationship, and that’s not something I can give him right now. I need to focus on Love. If something were to go wrong between us, I don’t want to uproot her again.”
“Ugh. This conversation is like beating a dead horse. You need to stop worrying about the things that could go wrong. Why not focus on what could go right?” Bristol laughs. “There hasn’t been one person who has caught his eye in fourteen years but you. If that isn’t a sign from the universe, I don’t know what is.”
“I need to focus on Love,” I affirm one last time before we hear the bell chime, signaling someone has arrived. “I have a class to teach.”
“No, you have a class totake. You need to spend some quality time with yourself.” Bristol pats my hand before rising from her seat and heading toward the front.
I wish I could find some way for us to have a happy ending, but the cards never lie. I need to end this before either of us gets in too deep. I don’t know if I can survive another heartbreak. The one thing I know is I need to make a clean break between Connor and me. We have Jade and Love to think about. I need to end this sooner rather than later to ensure we can at least be civil with each other.
I know what I need to do, but why does my heart feel like it’s breaking into a million pieces? Heartbreak is something I’ve become accustomed to over the last few years, but right now, all I feel is soul-wrenching pain at the thought of things changing between Connor and me.
Chapter 16
Connor
Itoss and turn for a few minutes after Audrey leaves before climbing out of bed to start my day. I head directly for my dresser to grab some clean clothes, glimpsing my wedding ring sitting on the top of it.
“Hey, Lyds,” I whisper, picking up the ring and wrapping it in my hand. “I haven’t done this in a long time, but I want to make sure you understand.”
I don’t know many people who sit down and talk to the dead, but for me, it’s a comfort. I tell Lydia about every major event in our lives. When Jade walked for the first time, when Vance and I had our first successful year in the business, when Selina came back to town. I know she’s looking down on us.
“I love her.” My eyes drift shut as I fight to maintain control of my emotions. “I never believed it would be possible for me to love someone again, but here we are.”
This is the first time I’ve said those three words out loud about anyone but Jade in over a decade. It seems wrong coming from my lips, especially when speaking to my deceased wife, but this is something I need to do formyself. To ensure that the universe knows how deeply I love Audrey and my wife at the same time.
