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Matt spins his lip ring. “This really is exhausting, Tyler. If Cassie is willing to act like a professional, why aren’t you?”
I grit my teeth as I look between the two of them. “That’s it, then. I’m the bad guy because I don’t want our careers to go backward?”
Ben rubs a hand down his face. “Oh please. Now you’re just playing the victim.”
I pace away from them and link my hands together behind my head. The studio feels too small. I can’t breathe in here. Especially not when the entire studio smells like Cassie’s perfume. It’s the same citrus scent that she used to wear eight years ago.
I had finally forgotten what it smelled like and then she came waltzing back in here and all the memories came rushing back.
The last thing I want to think about are those memories. I don’t want to think about how close we were or what I did to fuck that up. All I want is to move on with my life the way she moved on with hers.
“What the hell is that?” Matt asks, pointing to where the sides of my muscle shirt have fallen to reveal the name tattooed on my ribs. “Why the fuck is Cassie’s name on you?”
“I was drunk and stupid,” I say, glaring at him before yanking down the collar of my shirt. “There’s lyrics on me too, if it fucking matters to you.”
Ben laughs and shakes his head. “Jesus. I don’t know what you did to turn things this volatile between the two of you. I don’t really care as long as it doesn’t scare her away. You deserve tohave it branded on you, though. Consequences of your actions for the first time in your life.”
I hate them all. I just want to get out of here and never see any of them again.
“Cassie being here is good for us,” Matt says. “It feels like old times. Back when we cared about the music more than we cared about the fame.” He sits down on one of the stools and looks at the sheet music in front of him.
I know he’s right. Even though I don’t want her here, I can acknowledge that Cassie is making us better. She’s breathing passion back into our work. It’s an addictive fire that I didn’t realize had gone out.
But she’s also horrible for us.
“It doesn’t work musically. I can play the guitar and sing. There’s no reason to add her back in and have her playing again.” I take a deep breath, grasping at whatever straws I can. “Do you honestly think that her being back in the bad is going to help us?”
Ben shrugs. “It can’t hurt us anymore than you already do.”
I need a fucking break from this.
I don’t bother to reply, instead pulling out my pack of cigarettes from my pants. As I head for the door, the pair of them sigh and start messing around with the instrumentals for a new song.
The air outside is cool on my skin. I take a seat on the porch swing and light a cigarette. My hand shakes as I put the cigarette to my lips and take a long drag. As I lean back into the cushion, I stare at the driveway.
Cassie pushes Annika around in a little toy car, laughing and making car noises. Kennedy sits near them, drawing a flower with chalk. The sun shines, catching the red tones in Cassie’s dark hair.
There’s no denying that she’s beautiful. Or that she is far too good for me.
Cassie stands and scoops Annika up in her arms, tossing her before catching her again. Her black bustier climbs up her toned stomach as she tosses Annika again. Her smile is wide as she looks at the little girl.
I flex my hand, getting rid of the shake. Now that I’m away from Ben and Matt, some of the tension coiling through my body starts to ease. I tilt my head back and close my eyes, listening to the melodic sound of Cassie’s laughter.
It was always one of my favorite sounds in the world. I stayed away from her all those years ago because I didn’t want to jeopardize the future of the band. It was an impossible task then and it’s worse now.
There’s a part of me that wants to apologize for the way I left things. I knew it would hurt her. I wanted to hurt her to make sure we would never slip up again. Back then, I needed the band and the money an international tour would bring us.
Hell, I still need it now, though not in the same way.
Groaning, I take another drag of the cigarette and open my eyes, exhaling. The tendrils of smoke climb high in the sky. More than once, I’ve thought about quitting but each time I try, the cigarettes call me back to them.
They’re just like Cassie. A habit that I can’t quite quit.
Cassie says something to Kennedy as she hands Annika over. They stand there for a few more moments before Cassie gets into her car and leaves.
The cigarette burns low between my fingers as I watch her car disappear around the corner. As soon as it’s gone, I flick the cigarette in the flowerpot filled with water.
Matt looks up as I walk back inside the studio. He and Ben join me out in the main room, taking a seat on one of the couches. The air in the room feels thick as the three of us look at each other.
