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Those two feelings are constantly at war with each other every time I look at him. I don’t know how to fix this for the band, but I have to. Matt and Ben are relying on me to talk some sense into Tyler.
There’s a part of me that wants to close my eyes and pretend this isn’t happening. I want to look at Tyler and think that everything is all right.
Instead, I look at him and see a body headed for an early grave. He takes the rockstar life to a new extreme. The last thing I want to do tomorrow night is sit in a room with him and talk about his problems. I don’t want to hear about all the women he’s sleeping with or the drugs he’s doing.
I just wish that it was someone else’s responsibility. I wish thathewas someone else’s responsibility, but the band has made him mine.
Funny. There was a time when I used to think that one day he would be mine.
I put those feelings to the side a long time ago for the good of the band. I’m going to keep putting those feelings to the side. The band depends on me to get through to Tyler so we can keep our career moving forward.
I’m going to sit down with him, even though I’m pretty sure it’s going to destroy what little relationship we have left.
If there was ever a relationship of any kind to begin with.
CHAPTER 2
TYLER
My mouth tastes like stale beer and cigarettes.
I roll out of bed with a groan and stumble over to the window. My head is still spinning with the shitty decisions I made last night. There’s no going back now, though. I had a good time and that’s what matters.
I push open the blackout curtains, squeezing my eyes shut as light floods the room. After a moment, I open my eyes and look out at the sun dipping toward the horizon.
It’s later than I thought. I should have been up hours ago.
Although, if I was awake hours ago, I would have had to see the disappointed look in Cassie’s eyes when I stumbled down the stairs for a cup of coffee. She would have stood there in the kitchen, looking at me like I’m a wounded puppy.
I hate that I disappoint her, but it’s on par for the rest of my life. I’ve been a disappointment to everyone in my life. She’s just another name on that list.
She has to be another name on that list. If I try to change for her now, it’s going to throw off the dynamic of the band.
The liquor only helps drown the thoughts of Cassie a little. Enough to dull the sharp sting of not having her.
I need to get out of here before she comes looking for me. Maybe head to another bar and lose myself in the bottom of a bottle.
I push away from the window to rummage through a pile of clothing on the chair in the corner. After pulling out a fresh shirt and jeans, I head to the ensuite bathroom. My stomach churns as I start the shower and strip down.
Steam fills the room as I try to scrub away what little memory I have of last night. I rub until my skin is raw and the scent of stale beer no longer lingers.
By the time I get out of the shower, the water runs cold. I hurry to get ready, knowing that it won’t be long until Cassie comes to find me. I search the pockets of last night’s pants, pulling out my cigarettes, a lighter, and my wallet. As I stuff them into my jeans, I listen for the sound of Cassie moving around the house.
She’s going to want to talk about last night and I just can’t face it right now. Even if I could remember what happened, I’m still not talking to her about it.
The house is quiet as I sneak out of my room and head for the front door. It’s only when I step into the front hall that Cassie steps into my path.
Her green eyes narrow as she crosses her arms. The pink tinge in her cheeks makes the freckles on her face pop. She looks like she’s going to kill me if she gets half a chance.
For a moment, I want to reach out and tuck that stray strand of dark hair behind her ear, but if I touch her, there will be no more controlling myself. I’m going to forget the reasons why I avoid her.
The band can’t afford for me to lose control.
“Come on,” Cassie says, clamping her hand around my wrist and pulling hard. “We’re going to talk about whatever the fuck is happening with you right now. No more pretending that everything’s okay.”
Guilt claws at me as I follow her into the kitchen. My stomach turns as she opens the fridge and pulls out two beers. Her full lips press into a flat line as she pops the tops off the bottles and pushes one across the counter toward me.
“We’re going to need the drinks if we’re going to have this conversation.” She sits on one of the white stools at the kitchen island. “Why are you trying to kill yourself? Why are you trying to ruin our careers? Why do I have to open my phone every morning to find out what you were up to the night before?”
