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“Are you all right?” Cassie asks, her voice soft. Her hand lands on my arm, giving it a soft squeeze as she looks up at me. “Do you need to take a break?”
“I need this all to stop. All of it. And soon it’s going to. I’m going to go on tour and leave all this shit behind.”
Cassie’s eyes widen and a bright red flush creeps against her cheeks. “You’re that eager to leave, are you?”
I shrug, my chest constricting. “Not you. But this city. It feels like I’m drowning in it sometimes. You know that’s why I have the house out in the country. Going back to that house and then going on tour used to be my escape. Now, when I go on tour, I’m going to have to be the single Tyler Finch that everyone expects.”
Although, the last thing I want to be is that Tyler.
“The single Tyler?” Cassie scoffs and takes off her guitar, handing it to a stagehand who hurries out of the shadows. “That’s really what you want to be?”
“No.” I scrub a hand along my beard. “I don’t know who I want to be or what I want to be. The label expects me to be one person, but I feel like another. But if I don’t act like who they want me to be, then they could take this all away from me.”
“Just like they did to me,” Cassie says, her tone sharp. She exhales slowly, her eyes rolling toward the ceiling before she looks back at me. “I’m trying really hard not to be pissed off at you right now, but when you say shit like that when you know what we have, it fucking hurts.”
Backstage feels like it’s closing in around me. The air is leaving the room, and I don’t know how to breathe.
I don’t know how to stop myself from hurting her.
“If being single is what you want, then go for it.” Cassie’s eyes are glassy as they well with tears. Her bottom lip quivers, but she holds her head high.
“I don’t want to be single. The label is going to want me to look that way, though. It’s what sells.” My voice sounds broken and exhausted even to me.
“You don’t have to do what they say all the time, Tyler. This is your life. They can’t dictate your personal relationships.”
Even though I know she should be right, she isn’t. The label could make my life a living hell if they wanted to. I have to play the game if I want to keep my career.
She should know that better than anyone.
“Cass, they control my life. You know that. If I have to look like I’m single to get records to sell, then that’s the way it has to be. It’s not something that I want to do, but there’s no other way out of it right now. I can’t afford to lose my career.”
She gives a sharp nod, rolling her bottom lip into her mouth before sighing. Her entire body seems to deflate as she looks at me. “I’m going to go back out there and rehearse with the band.I suggest you do the same. Then, after that, I’m going to go home while you figure out what’s worth losing.”
Cassie strides over to the stagehand and grabs her guitar. She takes a moment to herself, squeezing her eyes shut and breathing slowly, before she steps out.
Right now, I hate myself more than ever. I don’t want to lose her, but the label has a tight grip on my life. I have to be the person they want me to be because there is no other option. They could kick me out of the band if I don’t. I doubt another label would pick me up after the way I’ve been behaving for years.
And if I get kicked out of Gilded Cage, where does that leave Ben and Matt? Would the band dissolve entirely or would they find a new lead singer? Would I have to look them in the eyes and admit that my actions finally did bring an end to our careers?
Tony steps out of the shadows, his arms crossed. “You should have told me about this little thing between the two of you.”
I scoff. “What would it have mattered? You would have told me what I already know.”
“Yes, I would have. One woman isn’t worth ruining your career over. You know that the fans don’t only love you for the music, right? They won’t keep following you from show to show if they know you’re with someone. You need to end it. Now.”
I toss my hands up in the air, feeling like I’m about to explode. “So then what? Am I just supposed to spend the rest of my life single and miserable?”
Tony shrugs and heads for the door that leads back out to the arena. “That’s the cost of fame, Tyler.”
He yanks the door open and disappears while I stand there wondering when my life went to shit. I knew that the hometown show was a bad idea from the beginning, I just didn’t know it would turn into this.
Lose the band or lose the woman?
Neither of those options are good. Not when Cassie has wormed her way so deeply into my life that I don’t think I can continue on without her.
The stars shine bright in the sky, only masked for a few moments by the clouds drifting across. A slight breeze blows as I stand on Cassie’s front porch with my hands in my pockets. I’ve knocked twice already and both times I’ve been ignored.
Just when I’m about to turn away, the door opens and Cassie steps out. She’s got an oversized sweater on like she’s hoping it can hide her from the world. Her eyes are rimmed with red, and tendrils of her hair hang down from the messy bun on top of her head.
