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“This is why you’re stupid,” I snapped. “You’re behind these fences because it’s safe. You’re safe here. That’s what my safe room was. You’re not out there running around because it’s not safe. That’s what the castle was that night. What part of this isn’t fucking logic to you?”
“You were all at risk that night,” he said, his voice gentler but still firm. “Everyone was, but he put me in the bubble with kids like I’m less than him.”
I couldn’t hide my disgust. “You don’t deserve him, you selfish asshole.”
“Hey now, you don’t get it because you’re not human,” someone cut in.
“She didn’t know she was a vampire less than a year ago, so if anyone understands both sides of this and bridges the argument, it’s Princess Inez,” Moon said firmly, several around us nodding.
That seemed to chill Chris out and I kept his gaze. “Lara talked to you, right? About her human lover dying?”
“Yes, and I hurt for her. We’ve all lost people even if they weren’t that close,” Chris answered. “Hell, I felt for James because I’ve been the guy who’s pulled the trigger. I’ve been the one who’s had to make that call.”
“I bet you have,” I muttered, bobbing my head. “That’s rough. Really, it is, and I’m sorry you had to.” I moved in and pushed my fingers in his chest. “I’m trying to make sure we never have to fucking do shit like that again, Chris. If you got infected that night, who would have had to put the bullet in you? Huh? Would you have asked Ty to do it?”
“Never,” he rasped.
“Right, so who would you have asked to carry that weight like you fucking carry?” I demanded, my voice cracking. “Because you worry about the size of your fucking dick or being put in the same bubble as children? That’s more important than caring that your actions could scar someone later to have to kill you before you became corrupted? Do you hear yourself?”
He did and so did a few others with him because I saw them look a bit nervous.
But I wasn’t nearly done.
“You and James have that same trauma and even before you were the boss because the boss was shit. James and Trisha told me how they let assholes in and someone was always infected and then they turned and more got infected and wouldn’t tell people. I saw the same. The last boat I was on when I thought I was human there was a stowaway corrupted.
“Lara’s lover was the rare, good guy who admitted it. We all know that because it’s happened again and again. Or you did an amazing job at your place once you were the boss. But we’ve all seen it.” I gave them all a moment with that. “I am the boss. And I’m not an asshole, Chris. I’m not giving bad orders that risk my people.
“So any humans who can be infected or anyone who can’t fight go in the fucking bubble. I’ve put myself in the fucking bubble at times. We saw a nine-foot-tall corrupted in Russia that Vitor got winded taking down. I’m not fucking with that guy. Put me in the fucking bubble if that comes to get us. That’s being smart.
“And I’m going to be the smartest boss in the history of bosses so we all fucking survive and you’re alive to be stupid, stupid. Don’t fucking make me the asshole of the story. If you had gotten infected that night, several things would have happened and been true. I would have been a monster who lied about protecting you guys and failed and we would have had a problem here.”
I felt worlds better when he and several others flinched.
“People would have been pissed that we didn’t race off with you and instead protected a tree, not understanding what that tree is even if it’s super freaky and grows off my blood.”
“What the fuck?” someone whispered.
Yeah, I felt the same all of the time, but I ignored that and continued.
“Ty would have lost you after just having found you. Though apparently he’s still lost you because you’re stupid, but he grieved you and was nearly beside himself with hope when he thought you were alive. All he wanted was you. And then he would have to live with the guilt of not protecting you that night. Lara has it and she wasn’t even near her lover.
“If Ty had listened to you that night and he lost you, he wouldn’t be Ty anymore and we both know that. He would be a shell of himself, riddled with guilt and regret that he didn’t do what he knew was right and stuff you in that room. That would be what was left of him. It wouldn’t matter the choice you made. It would be he didn’t protect you and he loved you.
“It would ruin him. Is that really more important than your stupid pride?” I gave him another moment with that. “And what about the rest of his life? We know he would resent me. Fair or not, the corrupted came for me that night and it got you killed. Your stupid choice, but I was the reason they came. He made an unbreakable oath to me and it would be poisoned.
“What else would be from that? Who else would see that doomed relationship of one of my knights? Others on the outside would think my coven was weakened. That Ty was a weak link to pick at or take advantage of. That bond being strong keeps us strong. You know how quickly trust breaking can break everything else.
“So what other things would break as a result? All because you didn’t want to be lumped in with the kids. This is the big picture Ty sees and has been trying to explain to you. Or maybe not all of it even because a lot of it has been from my side. Hell, I have several words to give you about not being selfish and leaving me with the guilt of you dying that night.”
Unfortunately, he didn’t just accept what I was saying and stupidly tried to throw my feelings or worrying about him in my face sounding like he was jealous of my bond with Ty.
So I lost my fucking temper.
Whoops.
8
Kristof
