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But never Shai’s. He was simply too skilled, too fast, and too strong for her.
That, and the fact that he always made her breathless when he came at her, his naked chest hard and broad, as if carved from sunbaked stone.
Learning to fight and having him as her trainer brought them into close physical proximity in the most painful, frustrating ways. She could barely concentrate when he was near.
The feel of his muscles beneath her hands, the scent of his sweat…it was a minor miracle she learned anything at all.
But she did. She learned enough to win the respect of his men. Even her son looked at her with giddy admiration.
Each day, she bound her breasts tightly and put on a man’s tunic, smallclothes and belt. She kept her hair short while most of the warriors shaved theirs or left only a braid to one side. Only Shai kept his Sea People silky dark waves down to his shoulders, usually tied up in a half-knot on the back of his head.
Her pale skin tanned beneath the sun. Toughened from bruises and cuts, the soft palms of her hands now covered with hard blisters from handling a variety of weapons.
She could wield a sword now, though she struggled with thekhopesh. She could shoot a bow and arrow and hit its mark. She could hold her own with a spear and a staff, to keep attackers at arm’s length.
But what she excelled at was the dagger. She knew how to protect herself at close distance even when unarmed. With a dagger, she was a force to be reckoned with. Assassins would not find it easy to bring her down.
In learning to fight, she gained a self-confidence she never knew she had. A confidence not only in her intelligence and cunning, but also her physicality, small though she might be.
She even acquired a male’s strutting stride (or more of a limp in her case, from the ruthless training Shai put her through each day). She took to wearing a man’s attire even when she wasn’t training. She wore the Pharoah’s headdress and beard during court.
Despite his earlier… reluctance… to train her, she’d like to believe that Shai was proud of how far she’d come. Of course, she never mentioned it, but this was yet another reason she wanted to learn martial arts.
She wanted him to be proud of her.
She was no defenseless girl any more. Perhaps one day, she might even use her skills to protecthimin return.
As his confidence in her abilities grew, she began to put distance between them, and he did not argue.
She no longer accompanied him on his visits with his parents. She rather liked them, so she saw them on her own. But she thought that he would appreciate some privacy for a change, and she began to purposely give it to him.
She selected four guards, with Shai’s approval, to accompany her within the Palace. He now only came with her on tours outside of the Palace and on formal expeditions.
This freed up more than half of his time from her presence. She did not ask what he did with it, and he did not volunteer the information. They didn’t “talk” as they didBefore. At least, she didn’t ask her invasive questions, and he didn’t voice the answers if she didn’t ask.
She still shared her chamber with him, because she couldn’t rein in her selfishness enough to let him go at night. Quite simply, she didn’t want him to sleep elsewhere.
If he had expressed the desire to pursue a woman, or anyone; if he had wanted to be alone, she would have given him his own private rooms. Far,far, away from hers if he was planning to share them with someone else.
It would be bad enough to know he was with another; she would never be able to survive seeing or hearing them together without putting her martial skills to use and gouging the other person’s eyes out or maiming them accidentally on purpose.
She was a jealous, greedy bitch where Shai was concerned. And she was unapologetic about it.
But if he wanted it… she would have given him anything.
He deservedeverything.
When he came to her chambers at night, it was on the tip of her tongue to ask him about the day he spent apart from her:
How was your day?
Are you weary?
Did you eat well?
Would you like a bath and a back rub?
Tell me what you did, what you saw and heard.
