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“I served your father and was privy to his wishes for you. His worries and hopes. Female or not, you have always been his favorite child. You always had his trust and love.”
Heba smiled a wan, reminiscing smile.
She never stopped missing Papa. Never stopped wondering whether he would be proud of her if he could see her now.
She’d like to believe that he was watching her from the Field of Reeds, and that she could hear and feel his guidance and encouragement in her heart and mind.
“Your path has not been easy,” her trusted right hand continued, “but you have weathered any and all storms that have come your way. The trials have made you strong, made you tough if you have to be. But perhaps they have also made you hide yourself beneath an impenetrable armor. Made you distance yourself from those who would otherwise be close.”
She laid a hand upon the older man’s arm, the way she would soothe someone she cared about when they worried for her.
She did not often touch her subjects. The one she was most herself with was her nursemaid, Sitre In. Though the other royals and even commoners indulged in the physical pleasures that the goddess Hathor encouraged, Heba had always been conscious of how people perceived her.
She wanted to show no weakness, fuel no speculation of favoritism. Pharoahs of the past had been assassinated through their vices. Whether it was poison in a particular food or drink they enjoyed, or a killer in the guise of a beautiful seductress. Previous kings had also been toyed with and threatened through their favorite indulgences. Whether beloved pets or concubines.
Senenmut was old enough to be her father, and in some ways he reminded her of Thutmose. But where her Papa was light skinned and lean, Senenmut was rather portly and dark.
He was wise in his own way, in a different way than Thutmose. Her father always tried to lead her to her own conclusions, whether or not they disagreed with his, while Senemut gave his opinions more freely. He was blunt where the great Pharoah was more suggestive.
Heba appreciated and respected Senemut’s directness.
“I have always trusted you, Senen,” she said. “What’s more, I have always liked you too.”
The steward’s smile crinkled his eyes, making fine lines fan out from the corners.
“You honor me, my Queen. But I do not refer to myself. You have demonstrated consistently that myself, Pa-nahsy and Sitre In have your ear and your trust.”
He gave a slight nod in the direction of the guards, and one warrior in particular who now stood braced upon the ship’s bow.
“You hold us dear, but you keep the one you trust the most at arm’s length.”
“I…”
Heba was at a loss for words.
She didn’t realize she’d been so transparent. Who else had noticed? Had they guessed how much Shai meant to her?
“Do not worry, my Queen,” Senenmut hastened to add, as if reading her thoughts.
“No one knows. You have fooled the populace, and more importantly, the royal court. No one could ever guess that the most important person in your heart is your Shadow, and that your coldness toward him protects him from your enemies as much as he protects you with his strength.”
Heba gnawed on her lower lip, giving in to a rare show of anxiety.
“But if you know, who else—”
“Only Sitre In,” the steward assured her.
“Your nurse has watched you grow up, after all. She sees how your eyes never leave the Captain when you think no one is watching. This was true even when you were but a girl and he was a slave. You have always been enthralled by him.”
No truer words.
Indeed, Heba had always been, and always would be, enthralled, mesmerized, fascinated by the slave-turned-leader-of-men.
When her mind was not on kingly duties, it inevitably focused on Shai. She thought about him, wondered what he was doing, how he was feeling, at least a thousand times a day. She’d seen so little of him in the past many months, and now they would spend extended time in each other’s company, in close proximity as well.
Her heart raced and breath quickened with anticipation, no matter how she tried to control her thoughts.
Each ship had a large, closed chamber built into the deck. The other ships would house the fruits from the expedition on the journey back. For now, they provided a cool, protected space for the men to rest as needed during the day.
