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“Wait, Jamie?”
“Yeah?” She looks hesitant to talk to me, like she’s afraid she’ll say something she’s not really supposed to say.
“Look,” I square up to her, one hand resting gently on her upper arm. “I really like Rowan, okay? Like, a lot. More than I ever thought possible. I just want her to know that.”
“Oh, I think you’ve made that abundantly clear,” Jamie says with a giggle. “All of you have though, haven’t you?”
“All of us?”
“You, Matt, and Bryce.”
“Oh, right.” I frown, and Jamie must see the hurt in my face, because her voice becomes gentler.
“She’s allowed to date who she wants to, you know,” she tells me. “Rowan isn’t required to choose one man to be with if she doesn’t want to.”
“So, what, she thinks she’s free to date all three of us at once?”
Jamie shrugs, probably for a quick escape. “This is something you need to be talking to her about,” she tells me. “It’s not my business, honestly.” She flashes me a quick smile and turns to leave, but then stops and looks back at me once more. “And for God’s sake, break it off with Carly. I know you’re not a bad guy, so stop pretending to be.”
I’m still thinking of Jamie’s words all the way through my next class, hardly able to focus on anything the professor is droning on about. Later, as I’m walking home after my last class, my cell phone buzzes in my pocket, alerting me of a new text message. I pull it out of my pocket and glance at it, hoping that somehow it’s Rowan, asking to hang out. It’s not. It’s my dad.
Your coach says you’re distracted in practice.
It’s not a hello, or how are you, son? It’s nothing. All he wants from me is my undivided loyalty, a promise to be the best son he thinks I can be. I’m not a human, not to my dad. I’m his star football player, a fantasy of what he wished he could always be.
Coach is full of shit, I type back quickly. I’m doing fine.
I don’t really feel like dealing with him in case he tries to call, so I power my cell phone down and shove it into the bottom of my backpack, fuming. Count on my dad to fuck up a perfectly acceptable day. It’s his favorite pastime.
Turning the corner to walk up the stairs towards our apartment, I almost run into a second person who is sitting at the bottom of the outside stairwell, arms around her knees as she taps her foot, waiting for something. Or someone. This time, it is Rowan.
“Oh, hi.” I stopped in front of her, completely caught off guard. I hadn’t expected to see Rowan so soon, especially at her own free will. Honestly, for a few days I’d been wondering if she’d even ever want to see me again. “Is everything okay?”
Rowan nods, but she looks uncertain, nervous even. She can’t hold my gaze for too long, so I drop my bag at my feet and take a seat next to her on the chilled cement stairs, careful not to come off as too physically overbearing. For a few moments, neither one of us speaks. I want to push it out of her, make her talk, but I can’t. It’s not my place. She’ll have to tell me what she came to say when she’s ready.
“Did you have football practice today?” she asks, noticing the cleats sticking out of the top of my bag.
“Yeah.”
“Did you enjoy it?”
“I love football,” I say. “But I felt kind of distracted today.”
“By what?”
I hesitate, but Rowan turns to look at me, those stunning green eyes of hers looking right through me. If I didn’t know any better, I could swear she’s reading the book of my soul.
“By you,” I tell her honestly, and Rowan’s eyes drop immediately from mine. But even then, I spot the tiny, satisfied smile that plays on her lips.
“I’m sorry I’m such a distraction,” she teases, and I shrug good-naturedly.
“I guess it’s fine. If anything is going to distract me, I can only hope it’s as beautiful as you.”
“Wow,” Rowan says with a giggle. “You are a charming one, aren’t you?”
“That’s what they say, anyway.” I nudge her with my arm in a teasing way, hoping I can put her at ease. “Listen, it’s cold out here. Do you want to go inside for a cup of coffee or something?”
Rowan hesitates for a second too long before I realize her concern.
