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Rowan
Jason is still talking an hour later, long after dinner has ended, and honestly, he lost me about forty-five minutes before that. Jason talks a lot; it’s one of the things that is starting to really bother me, but I can only try to ignore it. When he talks, he doesn’t care who’s listening. He basically just talks and hopes someone responds, so I’ve found that as long as I offer up a random nod and gasp of surprise at the right moments, he’s perfectly content with that.
Eventually we end up at the library. Even though it’s late, this library stays open until around midnight. I’ve become pretty taken with this library, especially this late at night. It’s quiet and cozy, such a far cry from campus frat parties and the normal day-to-day ruckus.
“Okay, how did we end up here?” Jason asks, brow furrowing as he looks around in distaste.
“I like it here,” I tell him.
“Do you want me to take you home?”
“No, actually.” I drop his hand and step into the warmth of the building, forcing a smile. “I have some studying to do. Are you okay to call it a night?”
“Studying? You don’t even have your school bag.”
“They have everything I need here.” I smile patiently at him, just wishing he would leave already. I can only listen to him talk about his academic achievements for so long before wishing I could turn my hearing off.
“Whatever the lady says,” Jason says with a wink, kissing the top of my hand. He pulls me into him, of course, and plants a kiss on the top of my head. I wait for the sensation I yearn to wash over me, the desperate desire to have his hands on me, against my body and my skin. I wait for the tingling between my legs or the quickened beat of my heart.
But nothing comes. Not with Jason.
Not like it was with Bryce and Dereck.
I force a small laugh for him and allow a quick kiss on the cheek before he departs, finally leaving me alone in serene silence. I watch him go, a tightness in my chest that won’t seem to ease off. I might have to break it off with Jason, I really might. Try as I have, I can’t seem to find that same spark with him as I feel with the other two.
And it’s not fair for either of us.
With a sigh, I take my pick of empty tables and slide into a chair, resting my forehead on the wooden tabletop. I feel like I could sleep here, and the exhaustion that overtakes me is overwhelming. For the dozenth time tonight I think of seeing Matt at dinner–Matt and his mother, anyway, a woman I don’t know well but still respect. Something is wrong with her, that much is clear, and the exchange between Matt and his mom makes me wonder what their relationship is like. Are they close? Does she know what a bully he used to be?
I rub the tired from my eyes and massage my temples, trying to ward off an oncoming headache. I’ve just about decided to head home by myself when the library door opens again. It’s almost ten, so I look up, expecting it to be one of the late shift workers, or something. But it’s not.
It’s Matthew Nelson.
He spots me almost as soon as I spot him, and for a brief moment neither of us make a sound or a movement. Matt looks as tired as I feel; emotionally drained and tense. The fight from earlier is gone from his eyes. He’s not scowling. He just looks … sad.
I’ve never seen him look sad before. Not in this lifetime.
For a moment, I think Matt is about to turn around and bail, but when he doesn’t, I do the only thing I can think of to do. I point at the empty chair across from me and shrug my shoulders. Matt hesitates, scoping me out, then, much to my surprise, he walks over and plops down in the chair across from me.
“Hi,” I say.
“Hi.”
Silence. I swallow, feeling tense suddenly, but force myself to face him. He’s just a man, a young man with intense emotions.
After all, I remind myself. He’s only human.
I want to say something, anything, to break the silence, but I don’t know what to say, so finally, Matt speaks.
“Where’s your boyfriend?” he asks, pretending to look around.
I roll my eyes. “He’s not my boyfriend.”
“What is he then?”
“A friend. I’m allowed to have friends.”
“Friends that take you out to dinner?”
