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Dereck
Matt and Bryce head inside, abandoning me in the middle of the parking lot behind Carly’s car. Her windows are tinted, so it’s hard to see inside and gauge if she’s crying or wielding a gun. Hesitantly, I walk up to the driver’s door and rap lightly on the window. After a moment that feels like it’s far too long, Carly rolls down the window. She doesn’t look at me, but she’s staring straight ahead, out the windshield, and her eyes are puffy and red.
“Get in,” she says. I hesitate, but only for a moment, because I’m not entirely sure I can run fast enough away from Carly’s car if she wants to run me over. So, without saying anything, I move around the car and slide into the passenger’s seat. Instead of driving me to the middle of nowhere for a quick body dump, however, she turns off the idling engine, and we sit in silence, unspeaking, just staring out the window in front of us. Finally, after what seems like eons, Carly speaks.
“You hurt me, Dereck.” Her voice is steady, but even under the confidence of this girl’s sassy and carefree attitude, I can sense the emotion.
“I know.” I can’t look at her, not yet, but I know I have to. She deserves a sincere apology.
Carly sighs and leans her head back against the car’s headrest, closing her eyes. Under the streetlights, her pink hair is vivid and bright. She’s a cute girl, Carly, and it kills me to think that she gave me what she had only to be cheated on. Even though we weren’t technically official, I think she thought we were.
“I made a mistake,” I tell her. Carly doesn’t look at me, but I know she’s listening. “I made a mistake by leading you on and making you feel like I was interested in you … and not in Rowan.”
At the sound of her name, Carly grimaces, and I can tell it’s still a sore subject.
“You both betrayed me,” she says, her voice shaking. “I thought Rowan was my friend, and I thought you were actually interested in me. I had no idea about you two, and that makes me feel fucking angry.”
“I’m sorry, Car.”
“Are you, though?” Carly turns to look at me, brow furrowing in frustration. I can see the tears glistening in her eyes. “If you were sorry, you wouldn’t have done it, right?”
“I had no control over it. I—”
“I don’t want to hear excuses, Dereck.”
Silence falls over us. I know she’s right, and the reason I know this is because Rowan Bates did the exact same thing to me with Bryce, one of my best friends.
“I was hurt, too, you know,” I tell Carly. “You probably never would have thought that she screwed me over, too.”
Carly’s head rolls to the side, and she laughs. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. She slept with Bryce, too, after we were together.”
“Wow.” Carly shakes her head, but she’s grinning. “We’re quite the crowd, aren’t we?”
Outside, tiny flakes of glittering snow begin to fall. We watch it for a while, content in the moment, knowing that, truly, no one is innocent.
“I think you hurt Rowan pretty badly with the flyers,” I say finally, looking at Carly. Her eyes close again and she shakes her head.
“I did it out of anger. I was so, so angry at you. Both of you. And she was the closest target.” She sighs and rubs her hands over her face. “I wanted to hurt Rowan, and I wanted to hurt you, but I guess it’s always the woman who gets blamed, isn’t it?”
I want to disagree with her, but I don’t because I know she’s probably right. Boys like us get a pat on the back the higher our numbers are for screwing, and women get attacked. It’s the way it’s always been, for the most part.
“Have you seen her?” Carly asks. “Rowan, I mean.”
“No. She wasn’t in class today. You?”
Carly shakes her head. “I’ve been staying at a friend’s house for a few days. I can’t face her. I could barely come here tonight and face you.”
“I’m glad you did.”
“I doubt it.” Carly smiles sadly at me, and I reach over and take her hand, squeezing it.
“I’m sorry for hurting you, Carly, but I want you to know that my intentions weren’t honest. I did use you to get to Rowan, and it backfired.”
She nods, taking in a gulp of fresh air. “So what now?”
“I don’t know,” I say with a small shrug. “I guess now we part ways and I try to make this right with Rowan.”
“What if she doesn’t want you, Dereck? What if she wants Bryce? Or, God forbid, Matt?”
“Then I’ll have to figure out a way around that, don’t I?” I lean over and kiss Carly on the forehead, and she forces a small smile for me. As we part ways and she drives off, I do feel better, and I am glad that she came to see me tonight.
Now, the only thing I have to focus on 110% is getting Rowan Bates back in my good graces.
