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“So, that means the assignment is concluded then. I suppose Taz will be with him, huh?”
She looked up at me with a puzzled look on her face. She couldn’t figure out why I would ask about Taz. Her eyes lowered to the ‘FBI’ hoodie I was still wearing and her look of puzzlement changed to one of suspicion.
“That isn’t one of Slate’s hoodies,” she stated. “He only wears the tee shirts.”
I am detecting a slightly accusatory tone here.
I looked down, my fingers plucking a piece of imaginary lint from the front.
“No, I borrowed it from Taz,” I replied, looking back up at her.
Her expression has now morphed to confusion.
“Why would you borrow a hoodie from Taz?”
Ahh, geez.
“Because I needed something to wear to bed.”
There, I had said it. The secret was out and I was relieved.
“Lindsey, no,” she said in a loud whisper, looking practically horrified.
“Mom, Taz and I have gotten close. It’s a caring relationship.”
“On your part, I’m sure,” she said, “but honey, Taz is not boyfriend material. The stories I’ve heard from Eric will confirm that.”
It was odd the way my mother interchanged “Eric” with “Slate” depending upon the nature of the conversation. I figured the nature of this conversation was extremely serious in her opinion.
“So, I take it you’re no longer. Uhm......”
Don’t say it, Mom. Please don’t say it.
“A virgin?”
Damn! She said it.
“That’s correct, Mom.”
My cheeks were flushing, I could tell. Why was this so uncomfortable? I never got why mothers and daughters couldn’t simply be open about sexual things?
My mother had done her part in explaining the facts of life to me, there’d even been an illustrated book that was age appropriate when we had “the talk.” Afterwards, she had asked me if I had any questions. Of course, I didn’t, but I would and did later.
I had never gone to her with them. I got my information the same way as my friends got theirs: Cosmo magazine and the internet.
“Lindsey, I don’t know what to say, honey. I know you’re an adult and can make your own choices and decisions, but somehow I think this might be one you’ll regret.”
“Why do you say that, Mom?”
“First of all, there is a substantial age difference, and the fact that you are - or were - so inexperienced, might have caused you to feel something you felt you needed to feel because of the physical act.”
She was clearly not comfortable in the direct approach.
“Let me see if I understand what you’re trying to say, Mom. Taz is older so therefore, he may not be interested in anything other than a sexual relationship with someone like me? Given the fact that Taz was my first, you suspect any feelings I have for him are a result of the fact that we’ve fucked, and I’ve turned it into a romantic fantasy, is that about right?”
“Lindsey,” she said, now clearly upset with me, “that is not what I’m saying. I’m simply suggesting that you examine the facts. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
“Mom,” I replied, sitting on the edge of her bed, “there are no guarantees in any new relationship as to whether someone will be hurt before it’s over. I guess I’m willing to take that risk. I care about Trace.”
