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“Really?” she asked, looking hopeful. “How long?”
“I’m not sure, sweetie. You need to discuss that with your doctor when he comes in today, okay?”
She nodded. I could tell that she felt a little better.
“Taz how is it you’ve been able to spend all of this time here with me?”
“I took a leave of absence from the bureau. I want to take care of you, Lindsey.”
She looked puzzled, not saying anything right away.
“I don’t understand. Don’t you need a paycheck?”
I smiled at her. Always the pragmatist.
“I’ve tucked some money away, not to worry.”
“Taz, I love you,” she said, “But I’m not comfortable with you seeing me like this, you know?”
“Seeing you like what?”
“You know what I’m talking about.”
“No, Lindsey, you see I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Like this; shitting in baggies taped to my abdomen, how’s that? Do you understand now?”
“Lindsey, what I understand is that you’ve been through something horrific, something horrible. But because of the strength you have, you have survived. You’re tough. So, if you have your shit going into a baggie for a few weeks, a few months or forever, so what? Do you recall me telling you that I loved you?”
“Yes, but that was before.”
“Before what?”
“Before I knew what I know now.”
“Which means?”
“Which means, Taz, you are off the hook. What happened to me was not your fault. So, please, just lose the guilt, okay? I am damaged goods here, but you are not responsible for that. I won’t rely on your misguided sense of guilt or pity to get me through the night.”
She pulled her hand from mine and rolled over, her back to me now.
I stood and walked over to the other side of the bed, standing right in front of her. I lowered myself to my haunches, looking into her pale green eyes.
“Lindsey, don’t you ever take the love that I have for you and fling it back in my face like that, do you understand?”
Her eyes widened as she watched me. She nodded.
“When you are released from this hospital, you are coming home with me. It has nothing to do with guilt; it has nothing to do with pity. It’s about love, Lindsey. I love you and I want to show you just how much I love you. I don’t want you to stay with me until you’re healed. I want you to stay with me for as long as we love each other, okay?”
She nodded again, a tear rolling down her cheek. I leaned in and kissed it away.
“So, then, we’re on the same page?”
“Yes, Taz,” she replied, softly.
CHAPTER 47
I had been out of the hospital and safely ensconced with Taz for more than a week. The doctor at Vanderbilt had referred me to a colleague of his located in D.C. for my follow-up care.
