Page 141 of Love Plus One


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I crawled in bed next to her, positioning myself on my side, and pulled her in against me. I was always careful to make sure my hand didn’t touch the area near her colostomy.

I felt her stir against me. She placed her hand on my arm.

“Taz?”

“Yeah, babe?”

“Why don’t you want to touch me anymore?”

I struggled to sit up. I turned the lamp on next to the bed.

She sat up across from me on the bed, waiting for an answer.

“Lindsey, sweetie, I want to touch you very much. I wasn’t sure how you felt about that. We haven’t talked about what happened to you.”

“Why do we have to talk about it, Taz? I just want to forget it, please.”

“I understand that, baby, but I’m not sure how you might react emotionally to the things that we do sexually.”

“So, you want me to rehash it for you, Taz? You want me to let you know that the promise was kept?”

“What promise?”

“The promise that Kyzer would never, ever touch my pussy? Remember?”

And I did remember. I remembered making her promise me that the night she became mine.

“Well, he didn’t touch me there, Taz. He raped me, but not there.”

“Lindsey - please.”

“No - you are hell bent on me talking about it so let me talk about it, okay?”

“He drugged me at the restaurant and somehow got me to Georgia in his private plane. I woke up in that dark, dank room that evening. He accused me of being a liar, and a prick-tease so he whipped me over and over again with his leather belt while Susanne watched. Then he shoved his dick into my mouth and made me suck him. Is that graphic enough for you?”

I was on my feet, pacing and raking my hands through my hair.

“Lindsey, stop.”

“No, Taz, I’m going to tell you everything. Susanne sucked his dick in front of me. He told her he was finishing inside of me. He rammed it into my backside over and over again. I begged and pleaded with him to stop, but he didn’t. I prayed for death in those moments, Taz. I would have welcomed death. I knew I was bleeding when I blacked out. I heard him say something about it to Susanne. They didn’t care. They left me there bleeding.”

She stopped for a moment as if gathering her thoughts.

“When I woke up I had been flipped onto my back. I knew I had wet myself in that bed. Kyzer and I talked; I bluffed him about that formula just so he wouldn’t torture me anymore and he didn’t. He knew I was burning up, but he left me. That’s all I remember.”

I went over to the side of the bed now. I dropped to my knees, burying my face into her lap. I didn’t want her to see my tears. I felt her fingers stroking my hair. It was my turn to tell her about that day and what it had done to me.

“I can’t get the picture out of my head when I found you that day,” I rasped. “It was so fucking quiet. You weren’t moving. I couldn’t tell if you were even breathing. I was paralyzed in fear, Lindsey; fear that I had lost you. Hardesty went over to check on you and I didn’t want him touching you, of seeing you. I moved him out of the way. I cut the ropes that tied you. I wrapped you up in the blanket so that no one could see what that fucking animal had done to you.”

She lowered her face and kissed my forehead, her fingers still combing through my hair.

“I remember at the first hospital the way the doctors rushed to stabilize you. I remember praying to God to please let you live, to not take you from me. If only I had gotten to you sooner, Lindsey. If only I had shared with you what I knew about Kyzer Stanfield, you would never have put yourself near him like that. It is my fault you went through all of this.”

“So, what? You’re going to continue beating yourself up, Taz? It’s not your fault. It’s not my fault. There are evil things in this world and I just happened across one. If you and I can’t get past this, then Kyzer will have taken more than he already has.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you won’t touch me, you avoid it. Is it because you think I’m dirty now? Because if so, I promise you, I have scrubbed my skin so hard it’s bled in places. If you can’t get past what Kyzer did, we have nothing.”

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