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I nodded.
“Okay,” he said, patting my knee consolingly. “Sit tight.”
He returned moments later with a glass of white wine, offering it to me. I took the glass and downed the contents, setting the empty glass down on the coffee table.
I turned to look at him. I swallowed nervously my hands folded neatly in my lap. He was watching me expectantly.
“Taz, with the loss of my father for all intents and purposes and now with the loss of my grandfather it occurred to me that I have lost every single man that cared about me, that loved me. I have no one.”
“That’s not true,” he interrupted. “You have your mother. You have Slate.”
“It’s not the same. My mother is in need of comfort. Slate is there for her. I had no one to comfort me when Daddy did what he did. Slate cares about me because he cares about my mother. It’s not the same thing. I feel so much loss.”
My voice cracked as tears started flowing again.
He immediately enfolded me into his strong arms, running his fingers through my hair. I pushed back from him. I needed to finish what I started.
“Please listen to what I’m saying because it is extremely difficult to say this to you.”
He nodded, waiting for me to continue.
“My bedroom is directly upstairs from Mom and Slate’s. I hear them sometimes making love. Sometimes it is loud and sexual. Other times, like tonight it is soft and consoling. It is their connection sexually that accommodates what they need at the moment. It is really beautiful. It is their love for each other that sets the tone of their sexual play.”
“Lindsey look, I have ---”
“Please, Taz, hear me out. I get that they love each other. I realize that you and me - well, we are barely friends in all honesty. I’m telling you this because right now I need to feel that sexual closeness with someone. I want it to be with you.”
He moved away from me, raking his hands through his thick mass of hair. I could tell I had freaked him out.
“Lindsey,” he said softly, “please let me explain myself to you, okay?”
I nodded; my eyes locked with his.
“A few weeks ago, when I - when we - well, when we started something that we didn’t finish, I had no clue that you were inexperienced. I would have felt like a total piece-of-shit if I had taken advantage of you.”
“We both wanted it, Taz. You know that.”
“Maybe so, but I was totally under the impression that you likely had some high-school or college lovers in your past. I mean, please believe me, I didn’t intend for you and me to be a one-night-stand. I figured we could kick it for a while, no strings attached, and just enjoy it for what it was.”
“So, what makes you think differently now?”
“Experience,” he answered flatly. “Lindsey, I’m older than you. I’ve been around the block and I’ve learned things from my experience. One thing I’ve learned is that a woman’s first time often leads her to developing feelings of attachment that may not be reciprocated. I’m not in to attachments and in particularly, I’m not about to do anything that would hurt you emotionally.”
“Oh, I get it,” I replied. “So, you think the moment you ‘do me’ I’m going to fall in love and want to set the date or something?”
“I’m just saying that you could develop an attachment that I would not reciprocate. It’s not who I am. I’m devoted to one thing and one thing only and that’s my career.”
“Well, I guess you are kind of fucking full of yourself then, aren’t you? Is it unconceivable that perhaps the only thing I am interested in is getting the experience I currently lack? I mean, come on, Taz, you are certainly not my idea of a ‘happily ever after’ prospect for a variety of reasons.”
He cocked an eyebrow, studying me intently. I liked the fact that I had subtly put him in his place. It was time for me to go in for the kill. I had strategized this in my mind the whole way over.
“Look,” I said, “it’s quite simple. I could use some physical comforting tonight. I want to make love for the very first time. The fact that I have no experience is something that you already know. The fact that you can provide me with the experience I need going forward, is something that I already know.”
He sucked his breath in, rubbing his hand across his face.
“What the hell, Lindsey?”
“It’s simple, Taz. Teach me how to fuck. There are no strings attached. With everything that has happened recently, I am finding myself drawn to Kyzer. He just may be the one that I could engage with in my first ever serious relationship. I’m not talking marriage at my age. I’m talking about being able to hold my own with a college man that I could quite frankly have a future with at some point. I don’t want to come across as some ‘bumbling’ virgin when the time comes.”
