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“You’ll forgive me Tylar if I have my doubts, won’t you?”
“Trey,” I leaned forward, now running my hand through my flat-ironed straight hair, “there is one thing that you have to know regardless of that picture that was sent to you.”
“I’m listening,” he replied.
“I was at the point with you that I couldn’t live up to your expectations any longer. I knew that I couldn’t be the person you wanted me to be. As much as I cared about you, I simply could not, would not, allow myself to become some, some Stepford replicant.”
A tiny hint of amusement flickered over his face.
“So the night you called and Clint was there, it was just too much. I wasn’t giving up my friends simply because they were male. That's not a reasonable request, Trey. My friends told me that you want me as a possession only. I started to believe them and feel that way. I’m not that person Trey. I could never be.”
“I see,” he replied, reflecting on my words.
“Anyway, after the phone call the night Clint was there and I told you that I was exercising my opt-out, Mark noticed at practice that I was in a funk. He invited me to have drinks with him. He walked me to the door of my cottage, and then he just kissed me. Someone took that picture, I don’t know who. The part that doesn’t show in that picture is the part when I pushed Mark away. I told him that we could only be friends. He apologized for the kiss. So there was no reason for you to fire him.”
“So where does that leave us, Tylar?”
“I'm to blame for all of this. I didn’t understand fully what your expectations were when we made our agreement, but I can’t be what you want me to be, Trey. I want love, I want commitment, but most of all, I want trust. I don’t see that happening with us.”
“I see,” he said once again, calmly. “Are you coming back to the estate to work?”
“I guess that kind of depends on you. I love working with the horses; I love training for dressage with Derringer. I respect that you’re the boss there and I realize that I can't pick and choose my job responsibilities. If it’s your intention that I work over at Le Vie Belle with Jenna and the rest, then my answer is ‘No thank you.’ I'll come back for the rest of my things.”
“And if I say that you can continue working with Derringer, how would you feel about that?”
“I’d love it,” I replied. “I don’t see how that's possible though, with you letting Mark go.”
“I may be able to persuade him to come back with the right incentives.”
“Do you even know where he went?” I asked.
“I think I know where to reach him.”
I knew it. He did have someone watching Mark. I smiled, thinking how well I knew Trey.
“There is one requirement that I'd ask of you, Tylar.”
Uh oh, here it comes. “Yes?”
“Since Ray's moved out of the first cottage nearest the stables, I’d like for you to move into it when you get back.”
I didn’t have an issue with moving to a different cottage, though I was puzzled as to the nature of the request.
“I think it'll be safer, being closer to the stables and the house. I don’t like the idea that someone's still out there taking pictures and harassing you. I'll also put someone on security until we know exactly where all this is coming from. Will you agree to this?”
“Yes, that’s fine,” I answered.
“As for our personal relationship,” he continued, “what areyourexpectations there?”
I wasn't prepared for that question. I didn’t think the terms were negotiable. I needed to be honest with Trey about that or it would lead to further misunderstanding and disappointment.
“Trey,” I said softly, “I don’t for one minute regret anything that's happened between you and me. You've helped me deal with the ugliness of my past; you've helped me discover wonderful things about my body. You know everything about me yet I feel I know so very little about you. As I said before, things like love, commitment, and trust—those are things that I want. Are you able to give me those things?”
Trey was clearly out of his comfort zone. “I’m not much of a believer in ‘happily ever after,’ Tylar. My experience has taught me to appreciate the here and the now; unfortunately, my career and even my past relationships to a certain extent have taught me to trust no one but myself. People are dynamic, not static. Things can change in a moment’s notice. People that you thought would love your forever suddenly don’t and vice-versa. Commitments can be the hangman’s noose. What you want at 21 may not necessarily be what you want at 30. You’re young and idealistic; you’ve not come to realize these realities yet. That’s not a bad thing, don’t get me wrong, enjoy and revel in it for as long as you can, just know that it won’t last forever.”
I stood up slowly, getting ready to leave. I felt really sad for him. “If I live to be 100, I pray to God that I'm never as skeptical about love, life, and human beings as you are at 30, Trey.”
“Let me know how that works out for you, Tylar,” he replied, smiling.
