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“No,” Jason says firmly. “No what-ifs. It’s going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay. I promise.”

“Donovan left, he just left—I told him I loved him and he still left.”

Jason holds me and presses a kiss to my hairline, when I hear a small voice state, “It’s my fault.”

Immediately, I pull back and wipe the tears from my face. Otto is there, looking so small in his little hospital gown, his expression grave.

“No, honey—” I crouch down, and my face feels hot, and I know I must look like a wreck, but I force my voice to steady and tell him firmly, “You did nothing wrong. Okay?”

“Not me,” Otto says, “Kevin. He chases everyone away.”

My heart crumbles. I suck in a breath of air, but I can hear the shake in my lungs.

“Hey, buddy,” Jason says suddenly. “You know what I think?”

“What?” Otto asks.

“You’re the coolest kid. I know it. Dr. Donovan knows it, too. Whatever he’s got going on, that has to do with him. Not you.”

There’s a sense of conviction in Jason’s voice that Otto and I both need right now. He’s the solid ground on which we can stand. Jason hangs in the doorway, then adds, “I was about to get some pizza from the dining hall. Does anyone in this room like pizza?”

Quickly, I swipe tears from my eyes. “Pizza sounds heavenly.”

80

Jason

They stay at the hospital for three nights.

Pearl comes in and out, bringing clothes, bringing food. I try to help where I can.

Nothing from Donovan. I’ve called, texted, but he’s a ghost in the wind.

I don’t get anything from him but a voicemail informing me to trust him and a reminder to water the house plant.

I try not to let it get to me, but it’s hard. It’s like breaking the inside of your lip and trying to ignore the bump.

I’ve got to be strong. Kenzi needs me. Otto needs me.

She puts on a smile for Otto and keeps her voice light and jolly, but a light has gone out behind her eyes.

She’s spent. And I can’t blame her.

I keep myself busy. The day of Otto’s release, I do a clean appendectomy. The surgery is flawless, the stitches tight, and it feels healing, somehow. Like in removing the bad organ in another human, I’m cleaning out something rotten within myself, too.

Sometimes, it’s better to get rid of something toxic than try to hold on to it.

I finish my shift and knock lightly on the door to their room. Kenzi opens up. She’s wearing a thick gray sweater that swallows her. She looks glassy-eyed and tired. “Hey. Otto’s napping.”

I see the kid in bed behind her. It breaks my heart every time to see him looped up to machines.

“I talked to Dr. Esmeralda,” I tell her.

“And?”

“I’ve got good news and bad news. The bad news is, he’s not getting any better.”

Kenzi hugs herself tighter. “The good news?”

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