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I tell him about taking the pregnancy test when I was eighteen, after the first time the three of us had sex. I tell him how I went to his father for help. I tell him how I struggled with the secret, how it ate me up alive for the rest of the summer. I tell him about running away from Hannsett. About keeping Otto away, all those years.
And then I tell him about coming back. I tell him about the deal I struck with Mr. King, and how he made me swear that I would never tell Jason, or else. I tell him about how Donovan found out, but how I made him promise to hold my secret, too.
The words come spilling out of me, everything I’ve kept enclosed in my chest for so long. Jason doesn’t say anything. He just sits on the bed beside me and listens, occasionally furrowing his eyebrows with displeasure, occasionally glancing at the floor as though lost in thought.
His eyes are on the rug, with a faraway look in them, when I finish. For a minute, we’re both silent, letting the weight of the words sink into our bones.
“Otto is my son,” he repeats, as though he has to hear the words in his own tongue for them to make sense.
“Biologically,” I say, as though that makes a difference, as though this is still something he can opt out of. And maybe there’s a part of me—a selfish part of me—that’s protective of these past twelve years where it’s been only Otto and me against the world.
Maybe there’s a part of me that’s still struggling to let other people in. Even Jason.
I wet my lips and measure my words before I speak again. “I understand if you hate me, or—”
“Hate you?” His dark eyebrows furrow. He looks at me and then takes my face in his hands. “Thank you,” he says suddenly.
The shock hits me in the chest. “For what?”
“For taking such good care of our boy.”
Our boy. The minute he says the words, whatever fortress I had left around my heart is blown apart. I grip his wrist and choke back a sob. He pulls me into his arms and presses the sweetest kiss I’ve ever felt to my forehead.
“I’m going to take care of you,” he says. “Both of you. From here on out. I promise.”
He covers my face in kisses. I feel safe with him. Safer than I deserve.
“What do you need right now?” he asks, and the sincerity in his voice breaks my heart.
“Um…” I bite my lip. “Breakfast did sound nice.”
He lets out a laugh. “Yeah. That I can do.”
He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, and this time I’m the one who grabs him and kisses his mouth. Jason is strong—oak-tree strong. The kind of strength that has roots. I need him now, more than ever, his ability to ground me, keep me sane.
His pocket starts buzzing. “Sorry,” he says, “it might be the hospital.”
“Take it,” I urge.
Those blue eyes still look apologetic as he lifts his phone to his ear. “Yeah?” He’s quiet for a minute as he listens. “Are you sure? Okay…that’s great news. We’ll be right in.”
My heart is drumming against my rib cage when he hangs up. I put my hands on his thigh and squeeze. “Was it the hospital?”
He nods. A light smile comes over his mouth. “A kidney just came in. It’s a match for Otto.”
For a second, I can’t breathe. “Are you serious? I…thought you said it could take months…?”
“I did.” He frowns, and I can tell there’s something bothering him. But then he turns to me and says, “I’m going to go to the hospital. Check it out.”
“We’ll come with you.” My heart is buzzing. “If it’s good…”
“If this works out…Otto could get a new kidney today.”
I didn’t know if I could feel happiness again. But I feel it now. It soars through my chest, and I fling my arms around Jason and hug him tightly. “Oh my God…oh my God. We’ll get packed. Right now.”
82
Jason
