Page 34 of What Matters Most


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“Who the hell is Cliff?”

“Philip,” Carla cried, and the swell of emotion filled her breast. “Is it really you? Oh, Philip, I’ve missed you so much.” Holding the phone to her shoulder with her ear, she pressed her fingertips over her eyes. “Good grief, I think I’m going to cry.”

“Who’s Cliff?” he repeated.

“Trust me, no one important.” How could he even think anyone meant half as much to her as he did? “We went out Saturday night, and I think he was thoroughly pleased to be done with me. I’m rotten company at the moment.” Her laugh was shaky. “It seems my thoughts are preoccupied of late.”

“Mine, too. Jeff’s ready to ask for a new partner. I haven’t been worth much since I got back.”

Carla stiffened, and her hand tightened over the receiver. If Philip was being careless, he could be stabbed again. Or worse.

“What’s wrong? You’ve gone quiet all of a sudden.”

“Oh Philip, please be careful. If anything happened to you because you were thinking about me, I’d never forgive myself.”

“Carla, I can take care of myself.” The tone of his voice told her he was on the defensive.

Carla paused, remembering that he’d already been stabbed once. “I…I just don’t want anything to happen to you.”

“That makes two of us.”

“I’m so glad you called,” she said, and leaned against the countertop, suddenly needing its support. “I’ve never felt like this. Half the time I feel like I’m living my life by rote. Every day I rush home and pray there’ll be something in the mail from you.”

“I do, too,” he admitted, his voice low and husky. “Listen, Carla, I’ve got two days off next Thursday and Friday. I’d like to come over.”

“Philip, I’m scheduled in surgery both days.”

“Can you get off?”

Carla lifted the hair from her forehead and closed her eyes in frustration. “I doubt it. This is vacation time, and we’re shorthanded as it is.” Their mutual disappointment was clearly evident. “Don’t be upset,” Carlapleaded softly. “If it was up to me, I’d have you here in a minute. What about the weekends? Unless I’m on call, I’ll be free.”

“But I won’t.”

“Right.” She sucked in an unsteady breath. For a moment she’d forgotten that he didn’t work regular hours. His life had to be arranged around his job. Even love came in a poor second to his responsibility to the force.

The awkward stillness fell between them a second time.

“Now you’re upset?”

“No.” The denial came automatically. “I understand a lot better than you realize. I can remember how rare it was to have Dad home on a weekend. Nothing has changed to make it any easier for you.”

“You’re wrong.” Philip’s voice dropped to a husky timbre. “Everything’s changed. My life is involved with this incredible person who fills every waking thought and haunts my sleep.”

“Oh Philip.”

“The worst part is that I get discouraged. You asked me to be patient and I promised I would be. I guess I’m looking for you to make leaps and bounds and not small steps.”

Her throat tightened and she struggled not to give in to tears. “I’m trying. Really trying.”

For a long moment he didn’t speak, but when he did, his voice was ragged. “Please, Carla, don’t cry.”

“I’m not,” she lied, sniffling. “I wish I could be the kind of woman you want….”

“Carla—”

“Maybe it would be better if you quit wasting your time on me and found someone who can adjust to your lifestyle.” Her voice shook. “Someone who doesn’t know the score…someone who doesn’t understand what being part of the police force really means. Believe me, ignorance is bliss.”

“Maybe I should,” Philip said sharply. “There’s not much to be said about a woman who prefers to live with her head buried in the sand.”

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