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“You’re looking thoughtful.” His fingers caressed the gentle slope of her neck, trailing down her shoulder. “I expect a kiss good-bye, one that will hold me until I see you again.”
A smile briefly touched Carla’s eyes. “I don’t think that kind of kissing is allowed in public places.”
“I don’t care.” His voice was low and husky as he ran his hands up and down the length of her silken arms. “Seeing each other again has only made things worse, hasn’t it?”
“No,” she denied instantly. “I think it’s been good for us both.”
“Good and bad,” he growled, and the frustration and longing in his eyes deepened. “Good, because holding you lessens the ache I feel when we’re apart.” His hands gripped the back of her collar, bringing her closer into his embrace. “And bad, because I don’t know how much longer it’ll be before I hold you again.”
Their gazes met and held, and Carla felt as if she were suffocating. His eyes, steel-gray and narrowed, slowed the torment within him, and Carla realized hers were filled with doubt. Her lips started quivering, and she pressed them tightly together.
Philip’s hands tightened on Carla’s blouse, and he dipped his head forward so that their foreheads touched. “I hate this.”
Her arms slid around his waist, and she pressed her face to his shirt. “I do, too.” Her voice was scratchy and unnaturally high as she swallowed hard, determined to be strong. “You should go,” she said, and gave him a brave smile.
“Not until the last minute. Not until I have to.” His voice wasn’t any more controlled than her own. “Carla”—he breathed in deeply—“I want to do everything right for you. You need me to be patient and wait; then I’ll do that.”
“Oh…Ph…Philip. How can you love me? I’m so wrong for you.”
“No one has ever been more right,” he insisted, his words muffled against her hair. “I love you, and someday we’ll have beautiful redheaded children.”
“With warm gray eyes.”
“Tall,” he added.
“Naturally,” she said, and offered him a shaky smile.
“Does this mean that you’ve reconsidered and will marry me? Because let me warn you: If it does, I’ll make the arrangements tomorrow.”
She couldn’t answer him. Something deep and dark in her soul wouldn’t allow her to speak. Instead, she blinked her eyes in an effort to hold back the emotion that threatened to overtake her.
Disappointment, regret, pain, and several other emotions Carla couldn’t name played across Philip’s face.
“Soon?” he asked in a whisper.
Carla forced a smile. “Maybe.”
“That’s good enough for now. Just make it soon, my love. Make it very soon.”
Philip waited until the very last minute before going through security. Carla waited, and once he was through, he tossed an impatient glare over his shoulder and disappeared down the corridor, rushing to make his flight. His kiss had been short but ardent. As she watched him go, Carla pressed four fingers to her lips and closed her eyes.
She didn’t leave the terminal until the plane was out of sight and her tears had dried. Her spirits were at an all-time low as she headed to the airport parking lot, fighting back questions that tormented her from all sides.
Philip’s letter arrived in Saturday’s mail.
My dearest love,
It’s been only a few hours since I left you in Seattle. I couldn’t sleep, and it’s too late to phone. As I flew back tonight I couldn’t drop the picture of you from my mind. This week is hectic, but I’ll phone you Tuesday night. I’m involved with three other friends from the force in a canoe race—don’t laugh. Ever hear of the Great Soap Lake Canoe Race? Well, yours truly is captain of the motley crew. We’re planning to arrive at Soap Lake Friday afternoon. The race begins early Saturday morning. The others have their own cheering squad. I have only you. Tell me you’ll come. I want to introduce you to my friends and their wives. And for all the trouble I’ve been giving Jeff Griffin, my partner, since Mexico, he claims he has a right to meet you. Let me warn you now that you shouldn’t believe everything he says. Jeff likes to tease, and believe me, he’s had a lot to kid me about the last few weeks. I want you to talk to Jeff’s wife when you come. Sylvia is pregnant with their first child. I know you’ll like her. Please tell me you’ll be there.
This is torment, Carla. I can feel your kiss on my lips, and the scent of your perfume lingers, so all that I need to do is close my eyes and imagine you’re with me. And, my love, don’t ever doubt I want you with me. I’m praying that this feeling can hold me until Friday.
I love you.
Philip
Carla read his letter again and again, savoring each word, each line. Several times she ran her index finger back and forth over his declaration of love. Philip sounded so sure of things. Sure that they were right for each other. Sure that she could put her insecurities behind her. Sure that she would eventually marry him.
And Carla felt none of it. Every day the list of pros and cons grew longer. Philip, like her father, was an idealist. Carla wasn’t convinced that being in love made everything a rose garden.
