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He smiled. “Which is why you’ve kept my attention for so long. I won’t lie, at first, I was cautious to be around you. I had to see what type of person you were. The more I learned, the more I began to respect you. You’re an honest woman. Tough, but someone a person can trust.”
Well, that wasn’t what I was expecting to hear, but a compliment, which I appreciated. “Thank you. Honesty is important.” And I’m full of blood soaked lies. “I try to tell the truth as much as possible.”
“A rarity in this field. You amaze me. You’re going to go far. Well, you already have and it had nothing to do with Slade. You’re a natural leader, Lily. At your age, you’ve surpassed men who have spent the last decade or more trying to accomplish as much. Your future is set. Now, all you have to do is enjoy the ride.”
The waiter returned with our drinks and I lifted my glass, lowering my voice. “To the ride. May it be rough, with mind-blowing rewards. I don’t think I’d like it any other way.”
A shocked expression turned into a smile. It pulled at his mouth and it was one I knew all too well. I pushed away the shyness at the blatant flirting. The voice inside was screaming to run from embarrassment. The taker I’d become said to keep her game face on until she was ready to allow anyone in. After all, this blunt person was who Alec knew. Not the sweet, insecure girl who still lurked around on occasion.
“You like it rough?”
I turned, smiling at the waiter. Alec’s back straightened. He hadn’t been aware the man was still there.
“Are you ready to order or do you need a few more minutes?”
“I’m ready.” I faced my date, who nodded he was ready, too. The menu flipped open and his hand scanned down the page, reading over the contents of what he wanted. While he looked between the waiter and the choices, I couldn’t help but notice how truly attractive he was. How had I missed it all this time? Had I been so under my Master’s spell that I’d been blinded to everything but my memories of him? What had changed?
“Ma’am?”
My eyes stayed on Alec as I spouted my order from memory. The spark was there. I could feel the lust thickening between us. An odd sense of dominance reigned supreme on my behalf. For the first time, I wanted to be the one in charge. With Master, it was so natural to submit. It came from my soul. Here…I wanted control. To be the one with authority if anything happened between us.
“Your eyes are so beautiful,” he said, continuing to hold my stare. “I’m sure you’ve heard that a million times, though.”
“Maybe a few, but I think I like the sound of it from your mouth. Tell me again,” I said, lowering my voice and leaning more toward him.
Alec’s eyes flashed down to my cleavage, pulling my own devilish smile. When our gazes met again, there was no embarrassment on either of our behalf.
“You’re more than beautiful. Fuck, Lily. I’ve wanted to tell you that for so long now. I’ve wanted this for so long.” He swallowed, taking a deep breath. “Your brother is going to kill me before it’s over with. I’m not sure I can keep my hands to myself.”
“You will if I tell you to.”
“Yeah?” He rested his arms on the table, moving closer. We were less than a foot apart and I couldn’t help but suddenly want to close the distance. What in the hell was happening to me? How had I gone from prude to promiscuous in the matter of a few short hours? Guilt over my Master had my arousal extinguishing.
“Yes. He can’t kill you if you’re not the one initiating, now can he?” I leaned back, grabbing my glass again and taking a sip. Still, Alec stayed transfixed on me. Slow down, Lily. You’re obviously not in your right mind. It had to be seeing someone who reminded you of Master. You’re jumping the gun to block him out. This isn’t the way.
“No, I guess he can’t. Are you going to tie me up so I have an excuse?”
I laughed, while at the same time, my stomach turned. “Tie you up, bind you, maybe break out my handcuffs. Whatever I feel in the moment.” My eyes took in the surroundings. Everyone seemed to be in their own little world. An inexplicable warning bell rang in my mind even as my mouth opened to speak.
“Go to the restroom. Wait for me outside of the stall of your choice. Don’t ask questions. Don’t say a word. Just…obey.”
My heart thudded hard against my thickened throat. I wasn’t sure what reigned supreme, the thrill, or the sick feeling from the unstableness inside of me. Fuck, I was cracking inside. I could feel myself becoming someone I didn’t know. Someone I didn’t want to be. Still, I continued to follow through with my spontaneity.
“Lily…” Alec shifted and looked around. My hand rose and I closed my eyes.
“Go, if you’re inclined. If you’re not,” my eyes opened, “then I bid you goodnight.”
Something passed over his face. An emotion I couldn’t understand. Slowly, he rose and didn’t once turn back to me as he headed for the restrooms at the far end. I picked up my glass, downing the rest of the Scotch. My face turned toward the window and I could almost feel the broken pieces inside of me racing throughout my body. How much longer could I go on before I shattered? Why did I want to find out?
Master. The internal sob nearly brought tears pooling in my eyes. What was I waiting for? Someone to rush in and save me before I possibly made the biggest mistake of my life? No…wait, I’d already done that when I followed Bethany out of the nightclub. So, mistake number two? This one I could prevent, yet I didn’t want to. I wanted to be rescued. Proof that I wasn’t as alone as I felt. But I knew the hero I wanted wasn’t going to show up to kiss me back into submission. I was on my own.
I stood, pushing my palms against the table. The dimness of the restaurant drove me to the back. It was so close to the lighting of Master’s room. It was always dark in there, just like we were. But the best parts came when the sun went down. Pleasure was always found in the shadows of night. It was my favorite time. I could walk around in the pitch black as calm as if it were day. Maybe I was craving danger like I’d once been exposed to. The level of adrenaline always pumping through my body didn’t compare anymore. Master. Was it possible my transition had to do with me holding on to the only piece of him I could bring to life? Dominance. Power. Control. Yes, I’d been grasping at anything that could make me strong or remind me of him this whole time. Here I was, about to commit the ultimate betrayal and sin, and it was all due to the god I saw him as in my mind. Desperation could make the strongest souls weak. What a web of guilty pleasures I craved tonight. And it all boiled down to one thing — if I couldn’t have him, I’d be him.
I pushed the bathroom door open, not stopping as I spotted Alec pulling nervously at his tie. His weakness was my fuel. I let it soak deep within as I swayed my hips with each step closer.
“Take it off.”
His hand paused at adjusting the knot and in one swift pull, he removed the silk around his neck. A slight trembling left his hand shaking as he passed it over to me.
