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Tenderness was mixed in the grin he gave. My pulse jumped and I felt like a schoolgirl all over again. There was something about my Master. Whether he was happy, disciplining me, or having moments like this one, my body reacted to every single one. A heavy heat whirled in my heart and butterflies fluttered in my stomach. It was rare that I saw this side of him and when I had, it seemed like forever ago.
“What about you? What does your future entail?”
Zain picked up a lock of my hair and twisted it around his finger. “You. Whatever your plans are, I’ll change mine to fit them. If you want to stay at Slade Industries, so will I. If you want to own a business, you have me to lean on. Whether it’s an accountant you need, an IT Manager, a partner, or a bodyguard, I’ll be whatever you want. Just say the word and I’m yours.”
My body trembled from adrenaline as I took him in. The dark T-shirt left his eyes practically glowing, and he was so serious, yet caring, as he looked at me. Love…yes, he loved me. “Will you say it again, Master?”
“Just say the word?”
I shook my head. “No, the end part.”
“I’m yours?” His lips separated and he reached forward, pulling me onto his lap. “You know I’m yours, baby girl. I have been from the moment I laid eyes on you. I’ve said I love you probably a hundred times since I got you back. I’ll say it a hundred-thousand times more if that’s what you need.”
“Will you hold me?”
To have his arms around me was something I craved. I wanted to feel safe. To forget about everything I’d been through the last few weeks. I couldn’t deny I was still shaken. With the days that passed came the reality of what I’d undergone. It was all sinking in and leaving me an exhausted mess on the inside. And I knew my Master could see it. It was probably why he hadn’t unleashed any of his secret desires.
“Keep talking to me. Tell me what else you want out of the future?” His arms pulled me in and locked around, holding extra tight. I felt my body relax and mold into his.
“I want what most people do. A home. A family. I want traditions of big Thanksgiving gatherings with friends and family. And a dog that can be raised with my children. I want to be happy.”
His hand rubbed up my back slowly. “That sounds like the perfect life. It would be nice to have a home to come back to at the end of the day. A real home. Not a penthouse or an apartment building. I want a yard with a swing set. Maybe a barbeque pit.” He paused for so long, I almost lifted. “My step father, Jeff, used to barbeque all the time. I remember waking up to the smell after I was taken. It was a phantom smell, but the memory left an impact. I missed my parents so much at the beginning. I never want our children to have to experience a single ounce of the pain we’ve been through.”
My fingers gripped his shirt and I wasn’t sure if it was because he used our, or the fact that we were talking about children after we’d already lost one. I hadn’t been able to save our child then, and it wasn’t from lack of trying. In my mind, I’d failed, in more ways than one. I put my unborn baby’s life in danger to help a slave and we paid the ultimate price for my mistake.
“Lilian?” Zain’s hands gripped my cheeks as he pulled me back to look at him. I couldn’t stop the swell of tears. Would it ever get easier? “Don’t,” he whispered. “It wasn’t your fault. You have to stop blaming yourself.” I didn’t have to ask how he knew what I was thinking. Zain knew me better than anyone.
“It was my fault. I should have known better. If I hadn’t gone that time—” The sob cut off my words. I tried to hide my face in his chest, but he wouldn’t let me.”
“Listen to me. You didn’t know Saul would hurt you. He’d been told not to. He had orders and he disobeyed them. Had I believed he would go against my father’s wishes, I would have never allowed you to continue to help those girls. You are more important to me than anyone. We both learned a hard lesson that day, so no more blaming yourself. If anyone is at fault, it’s me. I could have locked you in. I could have ordered you to stay put, but I didn’t.”
The pad of his thumb slid across my cheek, wiping the tears.
“Nothing will replace the loss of our first child, baby. Nothing. But I promise you this. My uncle will pay. And when he’s gone and we decide to have more children, we will love and cherish what it means to create life. Every time we look into our child’s eyes, we’ll know how lucky we are to be blessed. Do you understand?”
“Yes,” I said, sniffling.
“Good. Now, no more tears. Our past is full of pain, but our future won’t be. Let’s focus on that.”
Master eased me back to his chest. The fast beating of his heart soothed me. I let it take over my consuming thoughts completely as I closed my eyes and tried to push away the hurt—a pain I knew would probably never go away. Minutes went by while my hair was stroked and soon, I found myself drifting between sleep and consciousness. With each breath he took, I disappeared from reality. Grotesque flashes of blood, mangled body parts of slaves, and evil men played before me like a slideshow. Even though I tried to ignore them, I couldn’t shut out what had plagued me now for years, or the new horrors I saw. Jonathon. Alec dead on the table. Knives and guns aplenty. I tried reaching for something to protect me, but everything was too far away.
My nightmare opened up like a black hole, swallowing me until I couldn’t breathe past the black masked men whose fingers raked against my skin, clawing to rip off my clothes.
“I’m going to make you pay, Lily. You’re going to die just like I did. Just like my father and brothers. Alec wouldn’t be dead now if it weren’t for you.”
I screamed, trying my best to fight off his weight. My eyes widened as his face morphed from Jonathon’s to Alec’s.
“You killed me, Lily. It was all your fault.”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I didn’t mean to.”
“But you did!” he yelled, grabbing my wrists harder. “Now, you’ll pay. I want you. Come be with me. Stay with me forever. You owe me.”
All I could do was plead no, repeatedly. My arms pushed against his, but I wasn’t budging him. Something warm dripped onto my face and the blood starting to pour from his mouth had me screaming. Drip. Drip. The steady splashes made me go wild. My hips jerked while I tried to knock him off of me.
“Lilian!” Master’s roar had me jumping awake. My fingers dug into his sides as I tried to get closer. “Shh. I’m here. I’ve got you.”
Fingers through my hair became evident, and my nose running had my eyes blinking from the horrified wideness they were stuck in. With a swipe of my hand, I noticed how wet my face really was. Had I been crying? I lifted my head only to come within view of my Master’s sad expression.
