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Lily
Aching, sore, disappointed. So many emotions poured through me as I grabbed my pharmacy bag from Marcio and leaned back in the seat. He was driving now, leaving the local pharmacy while my Jetta stayed in Zain’s care; sitting in front of his place like it was always meant to be there. Fuck, I hadn’t wanted to leave. Training, pouring my feelings out to my cold therapist, none of that helped as much as being surrounded by those hideous bright blue walls and laughing with my Master about how much fun we were going to have painting them. It just went to show me that no matter where we were, he was my home. So, why wasn’t I there? Why was I going back to my brother’s?
Right. Because Zain said I had to. Men. They were so complicated. Where I saw no problem with acting based on my feelings, everything with them was so planned out and strategic. Love wasn’t meant to be a game or puzzle. It was everything spontaneous. Everything brought on by the pull of one’s heart. My gravity consisted of my Master. The further we were apart, the more I felt as though I were floating through a void without direction. I needed him close. Needed his attention and rules. It was just who I was. Needy? Only for him. In my everyday life, I could be the hard-ass, bitch boss. Fine. But when it came to the man I was meant for…God, he had me at his feet ready to please him any way I could. So, why the hell was I not staying and having dinner with him tonight? It pissed me off that I was even agreeing to this ridiculousness.
“You okay back there?”
I glanced up to see Marcio staring at me in the rearview mirror. Brace continued to look out the window, surveying the traffic to the side of us.
“Yep. Just tired.”
“You can lie to your therapist all you want, but you’re not fooling me. What’s going on, Lily?”
A frown came to my face and I turned toward the blurring scenery, really not seeing any of it. “I just want to go home.”
“We are going home.”
My head shook, but I kept quiet. How long would this continue? When would Slade deem us ready to pursue more of an adult relationship? Like, staying over at my boyfriend’s house for the night? I’d spent my whole life worrying about what Slade thought. I was starting to see that obeying his rules might not work out anymore. He was doing the brotherly, and even fatherly, thing. I knew that. But I was old enough to make my own decisions and what I wanted was to be with Zain. If he hadn’t ordered me to step back and take things slow, I might have already been over there.
The closer we got into downtown, the heavier pedestrian traffic increased. What should have been a simple five minute drive turned into close to fifteen. My fingers twitched in my lap and I tapped one against my legs while we pulled into the parking garage. I was out the moment Marcio threw the Town Car in park.
“We made it.”
Marcio’s voice had me turning around to look at him as we approached the elevator. Without so much as a goodbye, he shoved the phone in his pocket.
“My brother?” I hit the button, stepping through the doors as they opened.
“Nope.”
Silence. I clenched my teeth together, trying my best not to curse the stubbornness of all men. Today just wasn’t my day. I was too amped up after my training. Where I should have been dead on my feet, I felt the need to fight it out again. It was showing in my attitude and I had to rein it back in before I came off as the bitch from hell.
“Your boy wanted to make sure you made it home alright. I told him I’d let him know.”
“Oh. Thank you.” My head lowered and I waited out the ride. It didn’t take long before I was walking through the living room of the penthouse. Slade was resting on the sofa, Mary already asleep with her head in his lap. With his index finger, he gestured for me to stop, so I did, watching as he eased out and propped a small pillow underneath her.
Quietly, we headed to my room and he shut the door behind us. Why did I feel like a child that was about to either get lectured or scolded for something I did wrong?
“How’d it go?”
I slid off my heels and sat on the edge of the bed. “Good. I told her the nightmares were coming back and they were worse than ever. She had me go over a few and then prescribed the same medication as before. She told me to let her know if she needs to increase the dose.”
“Good,” he said, nodding. “You’re going to take them, right?”
I paused, not really sure why. “Of course.”
“You need to if they’ll help. I…” he crossed his arms over his chest and I could see the stress mounting in his stature. He was becoming stiff and his face more hard. “Lilian, I want to talk to you about Zain.”
Preparing myself wasn’t something I needed to do. I expected the worse, but prayed for the best.
“Okay, what do you want to talk about?”
“I know you love him. And he loves you, that’s as clear as day. But I have a lot of things I’m worried about when it comes to the two of you being together. I mean, have you both talked about the future? Do you have a plan? You’re set, personally, and I’ll do my best to help him. He saved your life. His skills combined with Blake’s led him to find you. Shit, the guy would easily lay his life down if it meant keeping you safe…but that says a lot, too. How do we know he’s not going to mix with the wrong people again? What if he can’t handle the real world? Think about this, Lily, because it’s constantly on my mind. You can’t turn a blind eye because of how you feel for him. You have to plan for anything to happen. Be prepared, here,” he said, tapping against his chest. “And here.” His hand lifted until he was pointing at his head.
“You’re afraid of what will happen. I understand that and I love you for it. But you have to stop this,” I stressed. “This is my life. Let me figure it out for myself. You worry and that’s fine, but I know Zain. He loves me. All he wants is a normal life. You trying to spare me is only making things harder. Just, please, I’m begging you, let me do this on my own. Stop giving him a hard time. We don’t need this added stress on top of everything else.”
Slade’s fingers weaved through his hair as he shifted. “It’s easier said than done. Lily,” he stopped and his eyes looked upward, only for him to shake his head.
“You want to say something, but you’re not going to. What is it?”
