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“You’ll have two new cartons first thing in the morning.”
“And this?”
Jase shifted his shoulders, easing a second finger inside to push deep. When I reached down his shorts and wrapped my hand around his hard cock, he moaned.
“Hearing V threaten you all like that. I think I must have lost my damn mind the last few weeks. We’re saving people almost just like you, Kody. Trafficked, kidnapped. God, that one red room was specializing in harvesting organs. Even those of children. I can’t help but think, David did everything else to you. Would he have…? Jase squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. “This man is bad news. He’s the worst of the worst. Seeing everything he’s running, the type of people he’s employing…it’s thrown me back to the mindset I was in when you were in the hospital. Back to being in that fear of losing you. I…keep seeing you lying there. You’re in my arms and you’re not breathing. Your skin is so pale, and your lips are blue.” He let out a deep breath. “He did that. He did that to you right here in this penthouse. In our home. I want him dead. Destroyed. I’m sorry. It’s time for a break for a few days. How does that sound?”
“Really?”
Jase frowned at the tears clouding my eyes. For a long moment, he didn’t speak. His fingers even withdrew. His free hand settled under my chin, easing my face higher.
“This is why you’re perfect for me. I need you to reign me in when I get like this. I told you you’d always come first. In my mind, I was so ready to catch this bastard and have you safe, I justified that as good enough. It wasn’t. You said neglect and you’re right. For that, I apologize. I know what you need; what we both need: rest. Give me a few minutes while I kick everyone the hell out of our house. Your screams are for my ears only.”
Rest. Did he say rest?
The door shut behind him, and I tore my shirt over my head, nearly falling over my shorts and panties as I tried sliding them down and running to the closet at the same time. He definitely said rest. Finally! I pushed the closet door open, kicking the damn, clinging clothes from my ankle.
“Toy. Tool. Toy. Tool.” My eyes scanned the shelves impatiently. I grabbed the white, silk pillow, feeling more excited than I had since the party. When I went to reach for the crop, I paused, my mind slowing as I took in a half-hidden tool we hadn’t used before. It wasn’t much different than the cat David had beat me with. It had a handle. It had strands. Where this one was leather with knots down the length, the cat David used had what looked like weighted barbed wire.
Slowly, I reached, picking it up. My heart was racing, and nausea hit as my past swept over me for the first time since I’d moved in with Jase. Just thinking about what I’d gone through was almost too much to take.
In a daze, I headed to the bed, placing down the pillow. My knees pushed into the soft material as I sat the tool in my lap. I kept my head down, staring at it, but not seeing the way it spanned over my thighs. I saw the brands on my skin. Blood. I saw the way my skin was jaggedly opened in places. I saw death at my front door. It was right there, and all I’d wanted to do was invite him in. Death could have taken me, and I would have gone freely.
How different my life was now. That I could even have it touching my scarred skin showed me just have far I’d come in my healing journey. I was shaking, but I wasn’t freaking out. I was nauseous, but I wasn’t physically becoming ill.
Minutes passed. I barely noticed. I let myself stay trapped in my own hell as I battled what was so hard to face. When was the last time I thought about those days? About what I’d gone through? My new life with Jase made it easy to forget. The immediate threat overshadowed everything from my past. That day wasn’t hiding anymore. Now that the memories were here, I refused to let them own me.
“There we go. Just like I—” Jase’s words cut off as I looked up. “What the hell happened?” He angrily came to my side, lowering. “Are you crying?” He scanned the room, half confused, have furious. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I mean…” A numbness had me looking down to the leather I had twisted in my nearly white fingers.
“Kody, I had that hidden in the back for a reason.”
“It’s so close. It’s crazy…I can so easily see—feel. I’m sorry. It’s been almost six months. I thought if I faced this.”
Jase took the handle, easing the flogger from my grasp. Healing doesn’t have a timeline, and it sure as hell doesn’t disappear in half a year.” He pulled his shirt over his head, dropping it as he rested on his knees directly behind me. “Face forward. Close your eyes and lean your forehead on the mattress.”
I wiped tears I couldn’t control, letting darkness take over as I obeyed.
“Feel. Listen to my voice as you do.”
Fingers made a path up my back, barely brushing over my skin. I licked my lips, putting my focus on Jase as he traveled to my shoulder, moving sideways to gather my hair, and place it over the other side. When my back was bare, he eased down the length again, this time putting the leather strands between his fingers and my skin. Over and over, he traveled my back, continuing the stimulation.
“The moment I saw you, something happened to me. I know I told you before, but I had a suspicion the show was fake. They have dungeons in the clubs. I figured you were living that life because you needed it. That was before I saw the first show, your third show. I wasn’t sure what was really happening, but what I did know was that you were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. When I thought the event was staged, I kept thinking, why couldn’t I find her before she went there? I could have given her whatever it was she needed.” He stopped, but I didn’t lift my head.
“When I found out you were in trouble, that the show was real…I panicked. I didn’t even know you, but I had to save you. I swore I’d do everything I could to figure out where you were. God, I had to. I wasn’t even sure what any of it meant, but there was something about you that I couldn’t deny. I felt this…link. A connection between us. It seems so minor to what I feel now.” He paused. “Kody.”
Breath brushed over my shoulder as he leaned in, kissing along my neck until he reached just behind my ear. I shivered, feeling the leather caught between my back and his chest.
“I love you. I’ve loved you for a long time now. What happened when you were taken will forever impact us. Maybe there will be moments it fades so deeply in the background we temporarily forget, but those days will never go away. It can be scary, but you have me. You’re not alone. I helped you then, and I’m going to help you now, and tomorrow, and for as long as you’ll have me. I promise.”
My head did come up, then. Jase’s words engulfed me as his promise replayed in my mind, just like when he’d rescued me. He spoke the truth back then. There was no doubt in my mind he spoke the truth now.
“Jase.”
He slid the handle to the opposite side of my jaw, gently using it to bring my attention his way. So many thoughts poured through as I spun on my knees the rest of the way to face him.
“Kody, do you love me?”
