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“It’s been a long night. We both need sleep. It’ll be better this way.”
The bed shifted and hands grabbed my hips, pulling me higher on the mattress. When his fingers trailed the inside of my elbow, down to my wrist, I let him lay me back and lift my good arm over my head. Weight settled on half of my body while he fit the cuff around and buckled it just as tight as I really needed.
“Are you…”
Fingertips caressed over my sensitive skin, moving from wrist to elbow while he held his position.
“Am I what, Kody?”
“Staying in here?”
“I planned on it. Do you want me to loosen the cuff and leave?”
Jase’s touch paused, dropping to my waist as he tucked his hold under my hip and spun me to my side. The tug had me fitting against him as he held around me. My eyes instantly closed. I may have only been in his t-shirt, but he was still completely clothed.
“You can stay.”
He reached down, pulling the covers up over me, and returning to his place once again. The weight of his arm alone was a comfort I didn’t know I needed. As Jase’s breaths deepened, I stared ahead, wondering what was going to happen. I’d stand my ground, but what would he decide? I needed to know soon. From the kiss to…this, there was too much risk if things didn’t change. I wasn’t worried about jail for being an accessory. I could live behind bars; there wasn’t pain in that. What I couldn’t live with was being hurt on the inside. Not even by a friend or savior. My mind was fragile. I was all too aware of just how much.
I closed my eyes, surrendering. Soft snores lulled me into dreams of better days. Back to books and laughter with my mom. The valley was always so hot during the summer. The windows would be open, and we’d be praying for a breeze. The neighbor’s stable wasn’t too far away. I’d sneak out to pet their horses in the evenings when it cooled.
Almonds and horses. The orchard behind our house was the Dickerson’s too. I could still feel the cool ground beneath my feet in the fall as I snuck to my favorite spot. I’d read and eat my snacks. Eat and dream. I could see it. Taste it as I was transported back. I had so many aspirations in my youth. Not that I knew back then lawyers probably had one of the most stressful jobs in the world. As a kid I thought they helped solve mysteries. I used to be intrigued by puzzles. Scary puzzles. After all, who didn’t want adventure and mystery in their life?
Me.
Not anymore.
Even as I eased through the slats of the white, wooden fence, I felt afraid. There’d never been fear associated with my past. Yet here it was, warping my memories as I brought them to life. I held the book tighter, my body growing even heavier as I glanced up at the limbs branching overhead. It was darker under the trees. One after one, I kept going, further towards my favorite space. There was a bench made for Constance, but she didn’t go out here anymore.
Someone did.
I scanned the large footprints embedded in the dirt, wondering if I should turn back. It could have been her father, Fred, from earlier.
Another step.
Another tree.
Was I close? I kept walking, following the tracks. Everything looked the same. The trees were evenly spaced. Some were larger than others. The dream began to fade into a void, reappearing and changing with the sound of my name.
“Kody?”
Fred. At the sight of my neighbor, fear retreated, and I started to run. He was at the tree, but not an almond tree. This was a different orchard. One I’d never been in before. He was pushing Constance from a swing that hadn’t been in the original grove.
“Do you want a turn? I can push you. Do you like to swing?”
“Yes. That would be fun.”
Happiness. Growing up without a father, it felt good to be included. Fred was nice enough, but he was usually busy. In truth, I barely knew him. It didn’t mean I didn’t want to. Maybe that had been my problem in my younger years. Hadn’t I clung to men in my past? Even ones I shouldn’t have?
Before I got to him, I felt myself slow. I searched his face, taking in the flannel of his shirt as he reached out towards me. The colors of the material had me coming to a stop. Constance was suddenly gone. I spun, the trees closing in as I turned to face Fred. But it wasn’t Fred. David smiled, standing not feet away, wearing the same flannel shirt he’d worn the night he took me into the woods. Wetness dripped onto my cheek, streaming down towards my jaw. I lifted my hand, rubbing my fingers over the spot and drawing my hand back to see red. I tilted my head back, seeing the peel of apples melting down on me.
Drip.
Drip.
“Come swing with me, Kody. We like to swing.”
He grabbed my wrist, trying to pull me closer to the tree. It was raining blood now. Wetness had me slipping through his tight grasp, but just as I thought I was able to get away, he had me again, jerking me closer. Striking me across the face just as I was getting away.
