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I did stop, then, but not because he wanted me to.
“You don’t want me unbuckling because they’re yours? Jase, I don’t understand what is happening. You have to talk to me. I’m not a mind reader.”
His knee pressed into the mattress as a battle swept over his face. He didn’t unbuckle me. He didn’t touch me, either.
“It’s not that I’m not into you. God, I fucking am. That’s the problem. I can’t lose control. I want to keep going. I wish it was time, but you’re not ready.”
“Stop. Why wouldn’t I be ready? I wasn’t raped. I’m not broken in that department. I told you I wanted this.”
“You want sex. I don’t have regular sex, Kody. I don’t fuck for a means to an end.” His brows drew in as he leaned in, gripping firmly to my jaw. “You need to know that before we go any further. I don’t do one-night stands. I don’t fuck randomly. When we finally go all the way, we’re together. Do you understand me? You’re mine. For good.”
“Are you saying you want a commitment?”
“The act will be the commitment. What I’m saying is, I don’t want to hurt you, and I very well could if I wasn’t careful. I’m not like other guys. Do you feel these hands?” Pressure increased on my jaw, only to ease as they moved down my throat. “These hands bring pleasure and pain. They wield things that’ll make you cry.” He paused, searching my face. “I want to see you cry just as much as I want to see you come. It’s a beautiful balance, but not one many have been able to embrace. After what you’ve been through, I’m truly not sure whether you could handle it either. Just think about what I’m saying. If you can’t, you can’t. If you want to try, we’ll go from there.”
“I—”
“Right now you’re just listening.”
“I can do it. I want to try.”
Jase’s jaw flexed as he gripped tighter to my throat. The act alone had my mind spinning with terror, and yet I’d never been more turned on in my life. I wanted him to make me come again. Just like this; where I knew I was safe.
“You don’t understand what you’re asking. I said think on it. Heal. I’m not adding to David’s bruises. I’m too greedy for that. When I put ones on you, I want us both to know who they came from. For now, we wait.”
Chapter 23
Jase
Try. Try? Kody was most definitely not ready to see what I had in store for her. For days I couldn’t get her overeager words out of my head. Try. Try. Ten minutes with a flogger, I’d knock her right back into the victim mindset she had been in after her rescue. Try. No way in hell I was going to risk damaging her more. The woman needed to work out her trauma; not stare at me like I was the bad guy. Damn those sad eyes and silent treatments. I wanted to spank her. I’d crop the hell out of her ass for putting me through this hell. I’d show her she shouldn’t be afraid of it. It wasn’t the cat-o-nine. I wouldn’t hurt her like David did. Couldn’t she see I was trying to do the right thing? Brat. She was definitely a brat. That attitude in the last few days was nearly my undoing. She was goading and pushing me to my limit. Was I frustrated? I was well past that. I was drowning in this forbidden lust. And that’s exactly what it was, forbidden. It had to be hero worship. I saved her, so now she was willing to fulfil my every desire to show her appreciation. Or was she really this submissive? I couldn’t think straight. I was trying to twist her into what I wanted. That was making me question everything. It’s all I could do. Between tracking down the emails, deciphering codes, getting barely any sleep, and trying to figure her out…my brain was shot.
“Do I get to come over and help or are we going to continue working through video calls? I’m starting to think your protection of her is an excuse. You just don’t want me stealing her away because I’m so darn good looking. Admit it.”
“Fuck off, Rian. Tell me what you’ve found.”
“This would be a hell of a lot more convenient if I was there in person.”
I glanced to the table where Kody was picking at a fruit tray. She had her back to me, but I knew she was listening, even if she couldn’t hear the other end of my conversation.
“You only want to come over because I said no. Now it’s a challenge. You won’t win. Speak. What’d you find?”
“You’re such an ass. Fine. I got zip. I was routed, rerouted, and ran into nothing but blocks. It was all dead ends. These people are good. And I say people because there’s no way a handful of fuck-jobs are doing this. This is deep, Jase. Deeper than I’m comfortable meddling in without a plan. You got me watching my back constantly. I hate paranoia. You know that. I thought we were finished with this shit.”
“We were. Things change. Feel free to stop at any time. You don’t have to do this.”
“Bullshit. You know I do. We’re brothers. We stand together; we fall together. That’s the way it is. Now invite me to dinner so I can meet this girl of yours.”
Again, my eyes lifted to the table.
“I’m not sure it’s time.”
“It’ll never be time until you allow it. Do you plan to keep her locked up inside that fortress of yours forever? You do realize, danger or not, you’re using it as an excuse to keep her.”
“Have I already told you to fuck off?”
“Hey, I’m just keeping it real, and we’ve talked about this. You never leave that place anymore. Now you got her stuck there too? I don’t like it. She at least needs to see other people besides you.”
I lowered my voice. “She does. We’ve gone out a few times. Besides, she can come and go as she pleases.”
