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“Absolutely. What can I help you with, Kody?”
Jase was stealing glances, watching my every move as I paced.
“I’m having some problems. You mentioned depression being common with people who’ve had issues with their heart. I’m not sure I’m so depressed as I am angry.”
“Depression and anger go hand-in-hand. That’s completely normal. Would you say it’s an overwhelming anger? Is it manageable?”
“I think so. I don’t feel I’m to the point where I need a prescription yet. It comes in waves. One minute I’m fine, the next I’m lashing out. That actually leads me into my next question because I was hoping my idea might help.”
“Sure. What do you have in mind?”
I got quiet as Jase’s brow creased in confusion.
“It’s…well…I was wondering about intimacy. How long before someone like me could…”
He laughed under his breath as Jase straightened his spine and placed the mug on the counter. He wasn’t happy, but I ignored that as the doctor continued. “That’s also very normal to wonder about. Some lose interest in sexual activity for months after heart attacks or heart complications. The fact that you haven’t is great news. Years ago, we would have said to try to avoid sexual relations at least two to four months, but what we’ve found is that intimacy can actually do wonders for those affected. It’s good for the heart. It also curbs the depression I mentioned before. Your heart won’t stop again if that’s what you’re worried about. You should be okay to resume as normal.”
“Thank you, Doctor Wade. I appreciate it. I’m sorry to bother you. That’s really all I was wondering.”
“Of course. If you have any more questions, feel free to call.”
“I will. Thank you.”
I hung up, tearing my shirt over my head as I pointed to Jase. “You. Room. Now.”
“Brat. Oh, you are so getting it. That is not the reason I had you call.”
His steps were fast, but mine were faster as I rushed for the room. Jase was right on my heels as I kept my arm at my chest and scrambled onto the bed.
“Depression is what you have. You were supposed to ask about that.”
“If I’m depressed it’s your fault.”
He tried to spin me on my stomach, but I managed to wiggle enough to stay on my back.
“I don’t need a pill; I need you.”
“You’re not ready.”
“You’re not ready!” I exploded. “I am ready. I’ve been ready. You want to commit, well here I am. Be with me. Touch me. Hold me.” His eyes were narrowed as he pulled back to stand on his knees, but I didn’t stop. I couldn’t. Jase hadn’t been the same since the poisoning. Yes, he catered to me. Yes, he made sure I had everything I needed, but I didn’t have him. “I want you to be with me.”
“I can’t.”
“Why not? You said—”
“I know what I said, Kody. I just. You’re not—” More he moved back at my look.
“You’re running, Jase, or you’re trying to hide something. Which is it?”
One of his knees stayed on the mattress as the other leg went to the floor.
“If you leave me in this bed, I’m leaving this apartment.”
“Fuck no you’re not.”
“Watch me. I’ve done nothing but give you time. You won’t even kiss me like you used to. I know you’re afraid. It’s the reason I called the doctor. But I’m done being patient. You heard him. This would be good for me. I need this. If you can’t at least hold me and kiss me for more than five seconds, I’m going to lose my shit completely.”
There it was—that look. That dominant, hard, unbending expression that scared the hell out of me and made me melt at the same time.
