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He looks like he wants me to thank him; to give him a round of applause, or maybe a medal, for this courageous act of service he’s risked his own life (allegedly) to perform. He wants me to be grateful.
The problem is, I just can’t do it.
My mind is whirring with everything he’s just told me. Gambling rings. Stolen land. Ben and Rose turning out to be ‘friends’ of sorts.Sports Dominator.
It’s all too much.
“I can’t do this,” I mutter, standing up so quickly it makes me lightheaded. “I’m sorry, I have to go.”
“Go?” Ben jumps up too. “But… but we need to talk about this some more, Emerald. You can’t justleave.”
“Youdid,” I say bluntly. “Youjust left. So, actually, yes, I think I can.”
I turn and start walking almost blindly along the shore of the loch. I can hear Ben shouting something behind me, but I don’t stop or turn around. I don’t want to hear it. And I know I will, at some point. There’s so much I still need to ask him that I’m probably going to have to start another list, so I don’t forget anything. Right now, though, I’m suddenly so tired that all I want to do is go home, close my eyes, and fall asleep.
And that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
Chapter 19
Emerald’s List of Things to Do Before the Wedding : URGENT
Find my fiancé, and figure out if we’re even still engaged.
Make sure theliteral gangsterswho are after my ex don’t find out I know where he is.
Completely re-invent my entire personality.
If I can just do these three things — or even just the first two — then everything else will work itself out, I’m sure. Because ithasto.
I’m not sure I can face Rose and her parents after everything that’s happened during this wild ride of an evening, so instead of going back to Jack’s house, I walk along the beach and up the hill to Mum and Dad’s.
“I’ll put the kettle on,” says Mum, opening the door. “Your Dad told me what happened.”
“It’s fine,” I reply wearily. “I don’t want anything. I think I’m just going to go to bed, if that’s okay?”
“Here?” Mum looks surprised. “You’re not going back home?”
I hesitate. Jack’s house has never felt like “home” to me — not really. Without him there, though, it feels even less like a place I belong, so I simply shake my head, and turn to walk up the familiar stairs to my old room, in what used to be the attic.
I push the door open and stand tentatively on the threshold, feeling like my next step will be a significant one.
It’s only been a few months since I moved out, and Mum hasn’t gotten round to redecorating yet, so the room looks exactly as I left it; not just when I moved to Jack’s, but over a decade ago, when I left for university, determined never to come back.
And yet here I am.
Again.
I step inside and throw myself onto the bed, as if the teenager who used to live here has re-inhabited my body. After a few seconds, there’s a soft thump, and my parents’ dog, Jude Paw, lands beside me, thrusting his wet nose into my face to make sure I’m alright.
But I’mnotalright.
I’m not sure I’m ever going to be alright again, actually.
I pull the surprised poodle towards me with a sob and bury my face in his wiry fur.
“What am I going to do, Jude?” I whisper into his floppy ear. “What on earth am I going to do?”
Jude looks at me as if I’m insane — which is par for the course with him, really — and I reluctantly let him go, reaching for my phone instead.
