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Mum was right. Wait until I tell her.
“I wouldn’t gothatfar,” says Kathryn, the dark glasses making it impossible to tell whether this is her attempt at a joke, or if she’s just reverted back to her usual self now that the ‘apology’ part of our conversation is over. “But I didn’t grow up with money, and neither did Bertie. Everything we have is down to Jack.”
“Why are you telling me all of this?” I ask abruptly, not caring if I sound rude. I have a broken heart to attend to here. And, fascinating though it is to learn that Kathryn’s ‘Real Housewives of the Highlands’ act has all been aliteralact, I don’t really feel up to listening to her life story. “I mean, no offense, but you got your wish, didn’t you? Jack isn’t speaking to me. I’ve moved out. I’m probably going to die of a broken heart, or… or the vapors or something. So why are you bothering to do some big confession now, when, for all you know, you’ll never have to see me again?”
My voice wobbles dangerously at the end of this little speech as I realize it’s true: Kathryn really might never see me again — because Jack might decide to make our “break” permanent. (Also, I have only the vaguest idea what “the vapors” is, but it sounds like something a woman in my position might be suffering from, so I just go with it.)
Kathryn pushes the ridiculous dark glasses up onto the top of her head and looks me right in the eye. Her hair and makeup are as immaculate as ever, but there’s a strained look on her face that I haven’t seen before.
“Emerald, I’ve already lost one son,” she says bluntly. “I have no intention of losing another: and I’m terrified that’s what’s going to happen if you and I can’t find a way to get along.”
She takes a quick sip of her drink, and I suddenly realize she’s as nervous as I am right now. (Which is a real first for me: I cant evenrememberthe last time someone was as nervous as I am.)
“Jack’s a very sensitive man,” she goes on, putting the glass back down again. “I mean, you know that as well as I do. He feels things deeply. He always has, even when he was a little boy. He likes to be able to fix things; and when he can’t, he takes it to heart. It eats away at him. And, right now, he knows he can’t fix this. That’s down to me and you, isn’t it?”
“Um, well, notentirely,” I reply falteringly. “I mean, it’s not your fault that Ben decided to start sending me those messages. And it’s definitely not your fault how I reacted to them.”
“True,” she says, showing that the old Kathryn is still in there somewhere. “But my behavior hasn’t helped, and nor has Rose’s. And I’m sorry about that. But still. I can see that you love Jack, Emerald, and Iknowthat he loves you. So I’m telling you ‘all of this’, as you put it, in the hopes that we can start again.”
She fiddles nervously with the stem of her glass.
“We got off on the wrong foot,” she says, in what must be the understatement of the century. “But I don’t look down on you, Emerald. I’m in no position to look down on anyone. And I’d very much like to put our differences behind us, and move on — for Jack’s sake, as much as for anything else. Which is why I wanted to be honest with you. We’re really not all that different, you and I, are we?”
I manage to resist laughing at this, but only because I’m pretty sure I’ve forgotten how to.
“Well. That’s very… Well.”
I look at her warily, wondering what the catch is. Then I remember: it’s that Jack and I are on a break so it doesn’t matter whether his mum and I get on or not.
“That’s very… nice of you, Kathryn,” I manage. “But it’s a bit late, isn’t it? Jack isn’t even speaking to me right now. So whether you and I are speaking is kind of beside the point, really. Isn’t it?”
“Oh, he’s not speaking to me, either,” she says, waving away Big Ian, who’s clearly on a spying mission of his own for Shona. “He hasn’t spoken to any of us since you left yesterday. Which is the main reason I wanted to see you, actually.”
She leans across the table and pushes her glasses up onto the top of her head, so I know she’s serious.
“Emerald, you have to sort things out with Jack,” she says seriously. “He’s absolutely miserable without you. He’s barely left that office of his since you left. I keep thinking of him sitting there on his own, like Miss Havisham, not eating or sleeping. It’s enough to break a mother’s heart.”
I blink rapidly, my mind struggling to adjust both to the image of Jack as Miss Havisham, and to the idea that he might be missing me as much as I’ve been missing him. (The fact that Kathryn apparently has a heart is all sorts of amazing too, let’s be honest.) And while it’s unlikely that he’salsobeen playing All Too Well (The 10-minute version) on repeat, I can’t help but feel alittlebit pleased to know I’m not the only one suffering right now. Not because I want Jack tosuffer, obviously, but because, if he is, then maybe it means this “break” might be over sooner rather than later.
Which would be a relief, because I’m already well and trulydonewith feeling like this.
“Maybe he’s just busy working?” I suggest, wanting to be absolutely sure Kathryn hasn’t gotten the wrong end of the stick here.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Emerald,” she says, sounding much more like her usual self. “I know my son, and I know he’s not ‘working’. He’s miserable. Also, Elaine says he hasn’t been returning any of her calls either, so there’s that. She needs to talk to him about this Emerald View project, but he’s just not having it. It’s like having a teenager again, honestly.”
“Right.”
I consider this new piece of information, trying not to get my hopes up.
“The thing is,” I say carefully. “I’m not sure what I can do, exactly? I apologized over and over for… well, for everything. But it wasn’t enough. Nothing I said made a difference.”
“Then you try again,” Kathryn says briskly, putting her handbag over her shoulder and gesturing for the bill. “You have to fight for him, Emerald. Surely you don’t need me to tell you that? You can’t just slink away and accept that it’s over. I mean, that’s not what you were planning to do, was it?”
“No. No,” I say hurriedly, even though that’s exactly what I was planning to do. Well, sort of. I was going to give him some space, let him make the first move. Listen to All Too Well (TV) at least a hundred more times. I’ve worked out that if I play it 6 times back-to-back it takes up an entire hour; then I just have to repeat that 12 times, and the whole day is over, and I can go to sleep again, But Kathryn’s right. I can’t just roll over and accept this. I have to fight for my man. Make him listen to me. I have to win him back, and I have to do itnow.
Well, this afternoon, at the very latest.
Just as soon as I’ve worked out exactly what to say to him.
