Page 80 of The Actress Unscripted

It certainlylookstrue, from the photos. I know those houses are for sale; I sometimes drive past them — well, I did when my car was still working — just to look at them, and imagine what it would be like to live in one of them. What other possible reason could Jett and Violet have for viewing houses for sale, unless they were interested in buying one?

I sit down abruptly.

“Here ye go, Lexie,” says Bella, handing me the microphone for the karaoke machine.

“I think I’m going to be sick,” I say into it, not realizing it’s already switched on. My voice booms out around the pub. It seems I’mnotstill a rock star, after all, then. It figures.

“I’ll call a taxi for ye, Lexie,” shouts Ian from the bar, as I stagger to my feet, ready to leave. “Ye cannae walk home in that state.”

“It’s okay,” I say, sounding the complete opposite of ‘okay’, even to me. “Mum’s waiting outside for me. I’ll be fine.”

This is a complete lie. There’s no one waiting for me; not outside the pub, and not back at home, where the only thing waiting for me is a cold, lonely house, and my hot water bottle.

Maybe I should get a dog? Or a cat? Maybe I should get a few cats, and really lean into the ‘Crazy Cat Lady’ future that’s surely waiting for me?

Pulling on my jacket, I somehow manage to say goodbye to everyone (“Remember the night out this Friday,” says someone I don’t even remember speaking to.), before stumbling out into the night.

The cold air hits me right in the face, helping to clear my head a little. I can hear the waves crashing against the beach from here; smell the tang of salt-water in the air. It smells like home; which is comforting, until I remember I might have to share it with Jett and Violet, and then it just feels like a trap that I’ll never get out of, no matter how hard I try.

PING!

The sound of my phone makes me jump, and I rummage in my bag for it eagerly.

Maybe it’s Jett. Maybe he’s realized I’ll have seen that article by now, and he’s messaging me to tell me it isn’t true.

“YOUR ELECTRICITY PAYMENT IS NOW OVERDUE,” says the message on the screen. “PLEASE MAKE A PAYMENT WITHIN 24 HOURS TO AVOID DISCONNECTION.”

“Noooooo,” I groan aloud, making a man who’s out walking his dog cross the road to avoid me. “Not this, too. Can I please just catch a break here?”

But there is no break to be caught.

In the cold night of the little seaside town, there’s only the sounds of the waves, and a faint thud of music from inside the pub, where it sounds like Bella has taken the microphone.

The party goes on without me. And now that I’m back on the outside, looking in, I can see all of my earlier bravado for exactly what it was: an act.

I am not okay.

And despite everything I’ve been saying tonight about “finding myself” and being able to do anything I want with my life, the truth is, I’m still very much lost.

I’m also very muchdrunk; a fact that’s becoming more and more apparent with every second I spend out here in the street, in the soft rain that’s started to fall.

I lean against the wall of the pub, trying to gather my thoughts.

I should go back inside and let Ian call a taxi for me, like he offered.

I should call Mum and ask her to come and get me, like I said I was going to.

Instead, though, I do neither of those things. No, I just slide gently down the wall I’m leaning against, until I’m crouched against it in the fetal position, my arms wrapped tightly around my legs and my head resting on my knees.

I’ll just sit here for a few minutes.

Just until my head clears and I start to feel better.

Just until I feel like me again.

Twenty-Seven

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA.

Source: www.allfreenovel.com