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“Oh.” She doesn’t stop brushing her doll’s hair, so I can’t tell if she’s bothered by what I said or not.
“Do you want to go back home?”
At that, she does hesitate. Then: “Not really.”
“Okay. We won’t go back if you don’t want to.” Which is my way of breathing a prayer of thanks that we won’t have to wrestle over her limited understanding of the situation.
Willow tries to braid Maple’s hair the same way I’m doing hers. It’s going to take her a few tries, but it’s still heartwarming to watch her. She’s always been a gentle and careful child, compassionate and considerate of her surroundings.
I’m just constantly afraid it’s because of the hell she was born into, more than it’s a natural part of her soul.
“If you could go anywhere in the world,” I ask her with a mischievous smile, “where would you go?”
“Anywhere?”
“Anywhere.”
“To see the mermaids.” Willow states this so factually that I have to stifle a laugh.
“So what you’re saying is, you want to see the ocean?”
“Yeah!”
We do actually have enough money to fly to Hawaii. Or I could take us in the opposite direction and confuse every possible trail among the Caribbean islands. As I finish the last of her braids, I hum the Beach Boys song to myself and make a mental note of each island listed. Not a half-bad idea.
“But I wanna see the snow, too.”
Alaska is perfect for that. We won’t need passports and I’ve heard stories about how it’s almosttooeasy to lose people in the Klondike. Just what we’d need.
If we’re going to truly escape, we need to go somewhere I know for a fact we can easily hide, should someone track us.
I know, deep down, the one person who would always find us is Demyen.
“If we go, can Demyen come with us?”
I pull back the covers of her bed to distract her from the way my face falls. “Baby, I need to talk to you about something.”
Willow obediently wriggles under the covers and smiles up at me, cradling Maple to her chest. “What’s up?”
It’s easy to muster a smile hearing Roxy’s influence in her tiny voice. “I know you really like Demyen?—”
“He’s my friend.”
“Right.” I tuck the covers around her and stroke a stray lock of hair back from her forehead. “And I am so glad you’re happy and making new friends. But we need to be careful.”
“Why?”
“Well…” I sigh. There’s no parenting manual on how to explain to a small child that their new friend is the deadly leader of an organized crime syndicate. “If we get too attached, it will be hard for us to leave.”
Willow frowns. “But I don’t want to leave. I like it here.”
“Sweetheart, I know. I do, too.”In some ways.I can’t overlook how the security measures are just as effective at keeping Martinout as it is keeping us in. “But Demyen… he’s a dangerous man, baby. And pretty soon, we’re going to have to leave him. To stay safe.”
She furiously shakes her head as tears spring to her eyes. “No! I don’t wanna leave! Demyen’s my friend! He keeps me safe! He fights the monsters!”
Heisa monster, babygirl.
But then his own words echo in my mind, reminding me that even he has limits. He basically accused me of accusing him of being the worst of humanity, and to my surprise, he seemed genuinely insulted.
