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"Thanks. I think I'll hang back at the house and relax for a little bit."
"No sightseeing or going shopping?"
I shake my head, continuing to glance out the window. "No. At least not right away." Who knows, I might be up for it later. Being around too many people feels like too much right now. Seeing others enjoying themselves with the one they love will cause my already broken pieces to crumble.
"If you get a chance, you definitely should venture away from where you're staying. It's such a beautiful place with so much to see." He continues looking ahead as he takes a sharp turn onto a long rocky road.
"I'll keep that in mind." I force a smile in case he can see me in one of the mirrors. It doesn't take but ten minutes to reach the one-story, sky-blue beach house. It's as gorgeous as I remember, with a little more wear on the white trim than before. For the most part it's been kept up with. The front porch is spacious and shaded, holding a large white swinging bench, along with a few other outside furniture. It’s a perfect place to have my coffee in the mornings and sip some wine at night.
“Need help with the bags?” The driver stares at me through the rearview mirror, placing the car in park.
“No, I’ll be okay. Thank you.” Plucking my phone from my pocket, I hit pay and add a tip for how nice and helpful he’s been before swinging the door open. I’m here. Finally. Taking in a deep breath, I inhale the salty scent of the ocean. Sand pools around my feet, pouring into the tops of my flip flops as I grab my bags from the trunk. Heading up the stone pathway, I briefly turn my head to wave off the driver and lug my stuff up the porch steps. A meow comes from behind me as I open the door with the key I pulled from under the tan welcome mat.
Pushing my way inside, I set my stuff in the entryway and look around me. A gray cat jumps out from one of the large plants looping around the bottom of the house.
“Oh, hello. Wasn’t expecting any visitors out here.” Crouching down, I scratch between his ears and he purrs. If Theon were here, he’d tell me not to touch stray animals because of diseases and such. Why did it take until now for me to see how wrong we are for each other? Everything becomes clearer the longer the rose-colored glasses are off.
“You don’t look diseased,” I say to the small furry creature, running my fingers down his back. I wonder if he has an owner. There isn’t another house for miles so I can’t just walk over to my nearest neighbors to ask. I pet him beneath his chin and he licks my fingers. No collar. The poor thing is skin and bones. He looks hungry.
“Let me see if I can find you a can of tuna or something.” Standing back up, I walk inside and block him with my leg when he tries to follow me. “Sorry, buddy. Not sure others in my family will be too keen on me having random cats inside during my stay.” I do hate leaving him out here all alone.
Rummaging through the cabinets, I find five cans of tuna and snatch one off the shelf. It takes longer than it should for me to find a small bowl. This kitchen is lined with cabinets and open shelves—some teal and some white. The dishes left in clear view appear to be only there for decoration. Something rubs against my leg and I drop a bowl into the sink, the loud clatter causing my new cat friend to run under the powder-blue sectional.
He must have snuck in behind me anyway. Reaching for the bowl, I set it on the counter and search for a can opener in the six different drawers only to discover the electrical one by the fancy espresso machine. People expect me to be familiar with high-quality appliances because my family comes from money, forgetting I'm nothing more than a bank teller working his way through veterinary school.
Unlike my brother, I'm a simple guy who lives in a studio apartment and uses a French press or grabs a cup of Joe on my way to work. I live off take-out meals and frozen dinners, occasionally settling for ramen or mac and cheese on the stove top. I drive a six-year-old Toyota and shop for my clothes wherever there's a sale. Theon hides behind his family name whereas I try to run from mine.
Meow.
The little intruder is back, circling my feet. After I pop off the tuna can, fill the bowl, and toss the trash in the motion sensor trash can, I set the food on the front porch to lead the cat outside. He sniffs the air and quickly runs up behind me, shoving his little face into the bowl. I laugh, watching him from the doorway. "Good stuff, huh? I'll leave you to your meal and go fix me something with less stench.” My nose curls as the scent of fish wafts in the air from him pushing his food around with his nose.
Covering my nose with the inside of my elbow, I close the door and wash my hands in the bathroom sink when the strong fish scent lingers on my fingers from when I touched the top of the can. Seafood of any kind is a no go for me. In a can especially. My stomach shifts at the memory of when Theon last cooked me a fancy shrimp dinner. I shudder. I ate it because he worked so hard and I really liked him.
My heart squeezes in my chest as I dry my hands on the towel with the first letter of my family's last name embroidered at the bottom. If what I thought he felt for me never existed then neither did we. It was all a lie. A role he tricked me into playing to hide his secret affair. Will I ever stop missing him? How can I still want someone who's probably never thought of me once.
My chest caves and I exit the restroom, and explore the house some more.
In my first five hours in paradise, all I manage to accomplish is feeding a cat, tossing my bags in a room that isn't covered in rose petals, scarfing down too many peanut butter sandwiches, and draining a whole bottle of wine in front of the big screen TV in the living room. Leaning on the couch, I get to my feet and sway my way to the kitchen to search for more wine. I stumble a little before reaching the wine rack behind a small bar, tightly gripping the granite top.
Yeah, I can probably do without more wine, but feeling nothing is better than feeling sad and lonely. I'm worried once my buzz disappears, I'll go back to wanting to pour my eyes out under the covers. No thanks. I'll take another bottle of numbing juice please.
Light fades outside the kitchen window and the darkness is almost inviting. The well-lit kitchen suddenly hurts my eyes and my skin craves the warm outside air. Using the bottle opener, I pop the cork from a new bottle, not reading the front. Not bothering with a glass like before, I wrap my fingers around the neck and make my way to the back porch. It's smaller than the front but is more inviting with a cushioned lounge chair and a beautiful beach view. Waves crash and I close my eyes, listening to the relaxing sound of colliding water.
I could stay out here forever. Something jumps into my lap, nudging at my arm. The cat from earlier found me again, probably trying to convince me to give him more food.
"Tomorrow," I say, petting him gently. "I don't trust my can opening skills right now."
He meows, and I like to pretend he understands. Yeah, I'm so wasted. The numbness spreads from my head to my limbs and I feel lighter than before. Relaxing back in my seat, I glance up at the stars, swallowing another gulp of wine, the bitterness on my tongue no longer fazing me. The strong, dry taste took a little getting used to since I don't drink often and I've never considered myself a wine fan. It's a family favorite and all I can find in the house.
Hissing, the cat jumps off my lap and stares toward the kitchen. Looking around, I scoot to the edge of my seat. "What is it, buddy?"
A long growl comes from him and he slowly approaches the back door. Getting to my feet takes as long as I expect it will and I use everything around me to keep balanced, confused at what sent the cat into defense mode. He keeps hissing and moves forward before jumping back as if he's scared to go any closer.
Nothing is there. The kitchen is as empty as it was when I left it. I slide open the door, wondering if I can somehow see better without the glass in the way, and no such luck. Sharp claws dig into my pants when I try to walk inside.
"It's okay, boy. No one is here but me and you." My gaze drifts between him and the spot he remains focused on. "See. There's nothing there," I say pointedly.
Entering the house, I stumble into the kitchen, grabbing a chair when I'm hit with a dizzy spell. The cat stays outside, his eyes narrowing in on a discolored floorboard. Weird. Inching closer, I walk around it, noticing how it's raised a little, not looking properly put in with the rest.
