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Quickly getting to my feet, I lunge at him and shove him down on the floor. My body pins him in place and my fists fly forward, smashing into every part of him they can reach. Bone cracks and blood pours from his face. "I hate you," I say. "I fucking hate you." My skin is hot and emotion hangs at the back of my throat. Hitting him harder helps me breathe better.
I continue punching his face and tearing at his neck with my nails as he thrashes underneath me, grabbing at my arms. I'm stronger than him when he doesn't have his gun. It must have fallen out of his hand as I shoved him to the floor and is now resting a few feet away. I don't need it to do what I should have done a long time ago. Reaching for the knife in my back pocket, I wrap my fingers tightly around the handle and stab the blade into his cheek. Something hot and ugly burns inside me. I pull the knife out and use it to cut out his eyes. I don't stop until his face is completely unrecognizable–nothing but bloody torn flesh and visible bone.
My heart thumps in my chest and I stare at my shaking, bloodstained hands, dropping the knife to the floor. Bile rises up my throat and my stomach lurches. I throw up a few times before finally rising to my feet. Everything's spinning and the cool air from outside stabs at my skin like a thousand blades made of ice. I move Lucian's body back inside the house and close the door, wishing I was anywhere but here. With both hands pressing to the door, I fall to the floor and slam my head back. Hot tears pour down my cheeks as I close my eyes, remembering how Lucian smiled at me when I said the wordsI do.
I meant them. Every single vow I promised. I only wish he was alive for me to prove it to him. We’re only twenty years old. We were supposed to have our whole lives together and now we have nothing. My eyes flash open and the two dead bodies lying around me are reminders of how quickly everything can change from good to bad. There's a hole where my heart used to be and I doubt it can be filled again. The thought of going on without Lucian is excruciating. I have to though. If I don't, my father will continue to win even while dead, and I refuse to let him.
He can watch me live from beneath the ground as I stomp on the ash of the fire he lit today.
I crawl toward Lucian. Leaning down, I kiss his lips one more time before they are too cold for me to recognize. "I'm sorry I let you down. I promise your brothers will be safe from your dad soon. I won't let him hurt them." Or anyone else. His father helped bring mine down, along with many other criminals, so he would come out looking like the hero I know he isn't.
He shifted the focus from himself so no one would know he beat his wife and older son nearly every day. Lucian's mom went missing a few years back and she hasn’t been seen since. Hector said she left them for some younger man she was having an affair with but Lucian knew better. With him gone, the abuse will go to someone else. I can't let it.
"They can't handle it like me. They aren't as big or strong,"he'd whispered with fearful eyes every time I begged him to leave Mexico with me.
After sliding Lucian's ring on top of mine, I kiss the back of his hand and my heart cracks in two. It hurts to breathe, to think, to be here. I hug him one last time before standing up. Not wanting to be here too long and lose my freedom along with everything else, I quickly pack a bag with clothes, books and all the money I can find.
With the strap hanging over my shoulder, I grab a can of gasoline from the garage and pour it over the house, unable to look down for too long. The strong smelling fluid soaks through the carpets and floor. Tears burning my eyes, I pull a match free and strike it against the matchbox, then throw the lit match down, scurrying out the back door as the house catches fire. Trudging through the wet grass with an aching chest, I run as fast as I can away from the burning house, leaving everything I once knew behind—my home, my belongings and the man I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with.
As soon as I'm far enough away, I count the money from my back pocket, hoping it's enough to get me out of Mexico after I'm done hanging Hector from the beams of his barn. It's the only way I can keep my promise to Lucian. Hector can't hurt his brothers if he's dead. They'll be placed with Lucian's aunt. She's the only family they have now. Valerie tried to gain custody when her sister disappeared but her accusations against Hector weren't enough for her to win.
Nothing will stand in her way after I'm done with him. Both of his younger brothers will be safe in a loving home. It's what he would have wanted. It's the only thing I can give him now.
“I'm sorry, Lucian,” I say out loud, looking up at the night's sky. “I'm sorry this was the only ending I was able to give you.”
I already broke one promise to him. I won't break this one too. No matter what happens to me afterward or what I end up becoming. I don't recognize myself in the reflection of the car windows I pass as it is. I doubt I ever will again. The man I was yesterday is gone and who I am now is the result of all the light I lost. Darkness already surrounds me, so I might as well fully embrace the hell I've fallen into and rise like a devil above the flames.
One
Antonio
Fifteen years later
"That him?" I point to a man slumping against a car, a black hoodie covering most of his face. He's facing the road, fumbling with his hands, and is wearing torn blue jeans and a pair of pink Converse. If I didn't know any better I'd assume he was on his way to a rock concert or skate park. He has strands of pink hair spilling from his hood, a pierced eyebrow, and an array of colorful silicone bracelets hanging off his wrists.
"Si," Enrico says, wearing a bored expression. He hates leaving his usual task of torture to handle jobs he’d rather have someone else do. Having two men on his list to interrogate today is surely the reason he'd rather be back at his office than here. I'd prefer to be in other places too, and standing in a hotel parking lot to meet someone I'll be babysitting for the next few days isn't one of them.
Enrico walks toward the drug mule I'll be accompanying on a run and gestures for me to follow him. I'm close on his heels, not wanting to waste any more time. Once I complete this job, I can go back to tracking one of the men who's been trying to kill Zacharias. It's a new one every week. Some are not important enough to bother with but this one works for another large crime organization. They’ve been trying to move in on Zacharias's territory for years. The man in charge better give up now before he has no brothers left to share whores with.
Enrico clears his throat, glancing between me and the young man slowly lifting his head to meet my eyes. His big blue irises grow rounder as his gaze meets mine. There's something familiar about them and the way his lips bunch in the corners.
"Phillip, this is Antonio. He'll be tagging along with you on your trip to Mexico."Mexico. Going back isn't ever easy. Too many damn memories—good and bad. I'm not sure which hurt more, and time does nothing to close the open wound around my heart.
Shifting in place, Phillip wipes his palm on his jeans before reaching out to shake my hand. Slowly pulling my hand from my pocket, I grip his fingers, squeezing tighter than intended. His skin is soft and he's much smaller than me. Everywhere. He's at least a foot shorter than and slender compared to my bulkier form.
"Nice to meet you, Tony." He smiles and cute dimples appear near the corners of his lips. His eyes are a soft blue and a few freckles scatter along the bridge of his nose. He's definitely younger than me. The kid has his whole life ahead of him and yet he's spending his weekend transferring drugs inside his body for a cartel. He isn't here because he wants to be. Unfortunate events led us both to where we are now. I don't know all the details, and I’d rather not get involved in the business of others.Their sad backstories are of no importance to me and won't change how I look at them—as nothing but a job.
"It's Antonio." I pull my hand back and shove it in my pocket. "And don't think about causing me any problems today or tomorrow."
"Okay, Antonio." He reaches into his back pocket and plucks out a lollipop, quickly peeling off the wrapper before shoving the sucker into his mouth. His eyes are full of amusement when I can't stop watching the way he swirls his tongue around the hard candy. The scent of cherry wafts between us, and I have no idea why I'm suddenly curious if his breath tastes as sweet as the air smells.
Focus.
The thought of licking between his pink, wet lips isn't something I should have rolling around in my head. Maybe I'm suffering from low blood sugar. It's the only sensible explanation.
A hand lands on my shoulder, pulling my attention away from the odd young man I'll be spending the next few days with. Enrico sighs, dragging me away while telling Phillip to get in the car.
"So here's the plan, in case Fernando hasn't told you yet. You'll be traveling to Mexico by plane and need to be at the airport in an hour. When you arrive, there will be a black car waiting for you, and the driver will take you to Angel's house. He will be there waiting to make the exchange and after it's done, Phillip will swallow the drugs and you'll be dropped back off at the airport." He takes a long breath, glancing toward the car I'll be driving. "You need to make sure the kid doesn't have a breakdown before making it to your final destination. He's been known to do that lately. This should be an easy job for you. Don't fuck it up.”
