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That's lust.
Jeremy is lookingat me like he could devour me right now. The hardness and desire in his expression rob me of air and leave me heaving. I swallow hard as my breaths fracture. I feel something poking my belly, I glance down and get a direct view of his erection.
Holy.Hell.
I hadn’t noticedit earlier—I didn’t think he would ever want me after treating me like trash—but now, there’s no mistaking the bulge in his pants. And I can’t take my eyes off of it. I can’t focus on anything but it, not even on my shaking insides.
"My face is up here."I slowly lift my face and what I see knocks all the oxygen out of my lungs.
He trailshis hand from my chin into my shirt through the opening, his thumb and forefinger grab hold of my nipple through my lace bra, and my mouth falls open in a wordless whimper. He squeezes it, pressing his thumb on the tight bud. He lowers his lips towards me and I close my eyes out of sheer instinct but he doesn't kiss me. He does something entirely different, unexpected.
He pushes me away.
I openmy eyes to see an expression of mixed sadness and anger. What is going on with this guy? Then, as fast as he had let his desire come out, he clams up and recomposes himself in my well-too-known jerk of a boss.
"What were you thinking,that I was going to kiss you? Get out of my way." He doesn’t even spare me a glance as he turns around and walks out. "Send me the correct file or consider yourself done."
Shame fillsme to the brim, so much that I can't move for an eternity after he's gone. The mere image of him turning away from me fills me with a sense of humiliation. I cuss myself for failing to protect my emotions.
I would have willingly lethim have his way with me after how he's been treating me for the past three weeks.
I feel stupid.I feel worthless. I must look like such a weak and easy girl to him!
His conflicting behaviorsare slowly but surely making me go insane. I have to regain control here. Of myself, and of the situation.
Jeremy just might bethe worst boss to ever exist, but I won’t break… not after I’ve come this far.
"Chloe!"Ella calls out, the volume more like a scream. "I've been talking to you. Or should I say, I've been talking to myself. Where has your mind gone?"
With your father,I muse.
I'mon the phone with Ella, and she’s talking about the latest at her work. She’s an event planner, and she has a major one happening tonight. She was filling me in on how the night would go before I zoned out. I’m still thinking about the worst day ofmy short career. Jeremy didn't return to the office after what happened today. He didn't even think it necessary to inform me.
"I'm sorry,what were you saying?"
"What's going on?Don't give me your usual ‘I'm fine,’ either because I'm not buying it today. Something’s wrong, I can tell."
Guilt engulfsme as I hear the genuine concern in her voice. How do I confess what I've done? The thought that I was willing to betray her trust again today, without giving it a second thought, makes me feel like a terrible person.
What am I saying?Iama terrible person.
"Nothing really."Great. On top of it all, I’m a terrible liar.
"You can tellme whatever's bothering you,” she says, not buying it.
You don’t knowhow much I wish I could, Ella, I think.
"Do you regret moving here?"she asks, looking at me.
Do I?Honestly I don't know.
"No way,Ella. I promise. You and I have talked about living in the city for so long. I'm thrilled to be here."
She scoffs."It doesn't feel like it to me."
"Trustme I want to be here. It’s just that…" I scramble to think of a plausible excuse. "It’s just that I think about my mom sometimes and the fact that she doesn't even know where I am. Then I remember that she doesn't care, and it kind of breaks me." There. Another lie. And this one flows so smoothly out of my lips that I feel twice as bad for lying to her. Again.
“Oh Honey,I can only imagine how hard, how heavy that must be. I know I’m not your mom, obs, but I really am here for you. Always. I hate seeing you like this. Maybe you can help me tonight to take your mind off of things?” she says. Her compassion makes me feel so bad that I can't help the tear that falls down my cheek.
