AllFreeNovel
Share Us
"You’re changing the subject" I remind her, but she only smiles.
"Yup!" she shrugs.
"Why does something so good feel bad?" I ask in a tired voice, leaning my head on her shoulder as we walk to her car.
"We always want what we can’t have. But Ella, we're in this together. We'll find a way through it." Her lips curl into a small, grateful smile. "You know, I never thought I'd be having this conversation with my dad's girlfriend. Life's full of surprises, huh?"
"I’m not your dad’s girlfriend, though. I have to make sure that’s really, really clear."
"But you love him, don’t you? My dad is crazy about you if that helps." I let out a frustrated groan at how uncomplicated she’s making it sound. After all, I’m really into him, too, but I don’t say it.
"I don’t know, Ella. Things just aren’t that simple." She nods in understanding.
"Just take your time. My dad might not have been the most expressive lover, but he has a deep scar that made him hide his feelings. But I can assure you he is a very good person."
"We are taking sides now?" I tease her, just wanting to believe that it could be that simple to go back to Jeremy.
"Nope, I wouldn’t do that. I’m a sincere person,” she winks.
I nudge her playfully, happy that we are back to being friends.
On our way home, we talk and banter about silly things. She shares only a few funny details about her mysterious man butrefuses to reveal his identity. We talk about my baby, and I can’t help but feel scared.
Leaning against the car door, I find myself lost in a sea of memories, my childhood rising to the surface like fragments of a forgotten dream. The parts that have my mom are more of a nightmare.
She was nothing more than a figure of cruelty in my life. No, make that in my past. She’s no longer present in my life, not that she has ever been fully there. The scars she left on my heart have become a barrier now, making me question my capacity for motherhood. Doubts claw at me, whispering that I'm destined to repeat the cycle.
It finally dawns on me that she hasn’t called me in months. Is that how worthless I am to her? Will I become like her? I unconsciously wrap my hands around my stomach. Is trying to keep this baby a selfish mistake? I feel a volcano rising in my stomach.
"Chloe, are you okay? You look like you are about to have some kind of panic attack." Ella glances at me, her eyes filled with concern. She pulls the car over. "Chloe, talk to me. You look pale."
My breath comes short, leaving me gasping as I inhale and exhale as slowly as I can.
"I don't know, Ella. This whole situation has me questioning myself. Do you think I’ll make a good mother? My childhood, my mom... I'm scared of being like her! Maybe you should take me back to the clinic–"
Ella reaches over, placing a reassuring hand on mine. "Hey, deep breaths, friend. Listen to me and hear me good. You are nothing like your mother. You are going to be a great mom. As for going back there, hey, I respect everybody’s choices. But that’s not something to do unless you are one hundred percent certain."
I nod slowly. Of course, she’s right. It had taken me an entire day to even make the appointment, simply because I kept hanging up and crying. Still, the doubts are eating at me.
"But what if I turn out like my mom who…"
"You are nothing like that bitch, sorry for my language. Besides, you're not doing this alone, Chloe. We all have our fears and our doubts. But from what I've seen, you're strong. You've been through a lot, and you've faced it head-on."
Tears blur my vision as her words resonate deep within. I want to believe her, but there is still a hateful tinge of doubt in my mind, taunting me. Telling me I’m not good enough. Making me wonder how stupid I have to be to believe I can do this.
"I’m just so scared…"
Ella tightens her grip and gives me a warm smile. "Chloe, you'll be an amazing mother if that’s what you want to do. Trust yourself, and know that you're not destined to follow the same path. You have the power to break the cycle."
Her words feel like a balm to my wounded soul. I nod, feeling much better. As Ella navigates the car back into traffic, the weight on my chest begins to lift.
"And, Chloe, I'll be here every step of the way. Same with my dad, apparently the love of your life. You're not alone in this." She winks, and I roll my eyes at her.
"He’s not the love of my life," I remind her darkly. "Don’t go getting your hopes up about us playing house, okay?"
"What is he then? Just the man who was a god in bed and kept you screaming for more?" We laugh at her crude description, but part of me is thinking that yeah, he was.
"Something like that." I wink.
