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I shake my head. “I shouldn’t bother you with my woes.”
“But you should.”
I feel the tip of her fingers on mine. It's barely a touch, but the comfort it brings is palpable.
“You should bother me because you’d want me to do the same with you. Right?”
I nod. “Yeah.”
“So,” her voice is lower, close to a whisper. A caressing whisper. “Unless you don’t want to tell me—which is fine—you shouldn’t worry about being a bother.”
“My wife died when Madison was four,” the words come out easily. “She died because she had to go grocery shopping. She asked me to, but I had to see a client. She had the car accident on the way home and died before she got to the hospital. If I had just gone as she begged me to, maybe she would be alive today.”
“And you’d have died in her stead?” she asks.
I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. My shoulder rises and falls heavily.
“I know you feel terrible, Logan. I know. And I don’t think I can say anything that will take the pain away. Think about Madison for a moment. You have a part of your wife in Madison. Hold on to that."
"Sometimes, I wish it was me and not my wife who died"
“Oh.” Lily’s tone is soft and sympathetic, “How you live life now makes a difference, Logan. You’re not living if all you think about is you dying instead of your wife. Sounds like you’ve spent the last couple of years doing everything except for living.
How?I ponder as I stare at Lily. How does she read me so well? Her words make me feel like a book on display, free for all to read.
Yet, I realize as I stare into her eyes that it brings me some form of relief. Aside from Ethan, no one knows how I feel. I carry the burden and the guilt, watching them grow with every well-meant compliment.
“I don’t know the right words to offer comfort to you to soothe your pain but I can say that I am sure your wife would like you and Madison to live your lives."
My eyes widen, and I remember the conversation I overheard when they were gathering the branches.
“This nine-year-old is intuitive and emotionally intelligent, she can feel your pain. Maybe you should start living a little. One step at a time. If not for you, then for Madison, who worries a lot.”
“I’ll try,” I say, knowing it’s the only answer I can give.
I don’t know if I’ll ever find the courage to forgive myself, but for Lily, for now, I’ll pretend that courage is around the corner.
She shrugs. “Okay. I’ll take care of the groceries, and you should have those flowers in water before they die. Thanks.”
I feel a little uneasy at how quickly she dropped the subject, knowing she most likely did because she felt I wouldn’t tell the truth. But I turn to the roses, shoving my uneasiness far away.
I’ll deal with it some other day.
CHAPTER 16
Kaylee
“Lily.”
I extend my hand to accept Doctor Michael’s handshake.
“How are you this morning?”
Fine? Dandy? Perhaps if it were Logan who asked the question, I would have told him that my nightmares, which stopped at some point, returned last night. But he had something to do in town, and Madison wanted to tag along.
So, we got up bright and early, got ready, and they dropped me off at the hospital.
“Good,” I respond, taking my seat.
