AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I promised I wouldn’t make decisions without him,” I muttered, more to myself than the heir at my side. But I knew I was just wallowing in excuses. Mat had gotten angry when I made decisions without him while he wasthere,because he’d accused me of shutting him out and trying to deal with things alone. This was…different. My lover wasn’t here, and every minute that passed risked his vision of Yanev’s murder coming true.
First we’d left my guards behind in Máros. Then Jiron had disappeared…and now Mathias was gone. I’d started this whole thing with an oath to take my country back, a pledge which had actually felt possible when he was by my side, and yet now seemed like an insurmountable, absurd,impossibletask.
I didn’t want to do it alone.
Icouldn’tdo it alone.
“Aratorre,” Valeri said softly, and I sucked in air, fighting back the urge to crumble at his feet. Heavy bands pulled across my throat and chest, my anxiety leering in cruel, imminent threat, and it beat down on me with all the doubts I could no longer keep at bay.
You’re useless. Shallow. Inconsequential.
I am.
Dios, I really am.
Inept. Rotten. Worthless.
Those too.
Fuck you, Ren.This was a different voice in my head. It sounded suspiciously like Mat, acerbic and incensed.I’m the only one who gets to insult you.
Hell yes you are, I snarled silently into the recesses of my brain that normally hid all my ugly, self-loathing thoughts and was clearly shirking its duties today in failing to keep that shit locked down. I thought of Mathias instead; those storm-filled grey-blue eyes crinkled in a fond smirk, his northern accent butchering perfectly normal words, the warmth of his chest pressed against my back as we slept.
He may not behere,but he was still with me. I’d told him he had my heart, and it was about time I acknowledged that in turn, the bastard had snuck his own into the space mine had left behind. It was bossy and grumpy and refused to sit still, but it belonged there more than anything had ever belonged anywhere.
Besides, this wasourplace. We’d once spent a glorious night lazing together among these ruins, free to be ourselves for a moment under a starry night sky that held none of the judgment cast on us by our respective peoples.
“Alright,” I said as the memories of my lover eased my breathing back to normal. “If the alternative is hanging around with you three all night, then I’d rather take my chances of being disembowelled by my enemies.”
Starling grinned and helped Dima to his feet. The man swayed on the spot, looking extremely unsteady, which didn’t exactly bode well for what we had planned. I could only hope he’d stay lucid enough until we found Yanev.
“This is your last chance to back out from what is probably an impossibly doomed mission to recover my throne,” I continued, wanting to give the others every chance to come to their Blessed senses, “but don’t blame me when our daring storming of the palace becomes legend and the bards exclude you from the most epic balladeversung. Or they pronounce your name wrong.”
I gave Velichkov a meaningful look, and he snorted.
“Alright,Renato,” he said, as if that was supposed to mean something.
“We came all this way. It would be a pity to turn around,” Starling added nonchalantly.
Dima gave a slow nod in support, the pain in his eyes telling me he felt the same driving need and passion to rescue my people as was in my own heart…because of course he did.
“Are you now going to tell me how you expect to get a traitor, two northerners, and a woman inside a palace full of Quarehians who can’t decide which of those they hate more?” Velichkov asked, his expression insultingly sceptical.
“Pretty sure it’s women they hate the most,” I responded, and waved my wrist with its leather cuff in front of his face. “Secret passageway, prince. You can go first and clear all the spiders out of the way,sí?”
*
Chapter Thirty-Seven
The door at the top of the stairs clanged open and polished shoes appeared on the steps. I hurriedly pushed myself to my feet, my shoulders and knees aching in protest from lying on the cold stone floor all night, and the shackles having long since rubbed the skin of my wrists raw.
“There,” Councillor Navar crooned by way of greeting as he reached my cell and peered through the bars. “Did that quieten you down?”
His satisfied smile sent a shiver down my spine, and I didn’t need to adjust my expression to keep the truth from it. The revulsion on my face was all too real, even though the guards hadn’t touched me after he’d left last night – it seemed not all of the men participating in Quareh’s new regime could be painted with the same brush, and these two had shown no inclination to carry out the rape he’d so casually condoned. Even now, their faces showed their distaste at the reminder, but they still unhesitatingly obeyed Navar as he demanded I be taken upstairs.
“Nathanael!” Parvan hollered from the opposite cell, and while the rest of them seemed content to ignore him, I shot a reassuring smile in his direction as I was hauled past him and up the steps. I wasn’t naïve enough to imagine he’d be left in peace, but hopefully while Welzes and Navar’s attention was on me, Parvan might avoid the worst of whatever torment was coming our way. Yet my guard seemed to be trying to incur the opposite, shouting and cursing and heaving at the bars between us, and I didn’t let myself breathe again until the door between the cells and the guardroom slammed shut and cut off his yells.
Navar led us through the corridors ofla Cortina, offering sly little comments about what he assumed my silent companions and I had been up to last night, and fearing they’d get into trouble for disobeying or that he’d find men whowerewilling to indulge him in his sick games, I stayed quiet.
