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“Rest up, my prince,” Jiron said again. “We’ll be back soon.”
I didn’t bother arguing. Mostly because when it came to my comfort or health, he could prove as obstinate as Mathias, but also because my shoulder was starting to really fucking hurt. Jiron had taken another look at it this morning and proclaimed it fine, yet I’d overheard him anxiously whispering to Mat a few minutes later.
The two fusspots had then proceeded to be annoyingly niceto me for a couple of hours until I called them out on it, fear churning at my gut. For was there any bigger clue that they considered my death both inevitable and imminent than pure, unadulteratedkindness?
Fuck it. It was just a scratch, that was all. I’d been shotweeksago and I was still standing…or lying down, at least, and with my history I knew I could take my share of pain. There were bigger, more pressing things to worry about, and our plan reverberated in my head as the hut door closed once more and left me in aching, echoing silence.
Cross the border into Temar and follow the mountain range north, before using Cašran Pass to sneak back into Mazekhstam.
Get to Stavroyarsk. Convince Panarina to help us.
Use her army to take back my country from those misogynistic, abusive, uncaring assholes. Do some good.
Fuck Mathias against every wall and pillar in the palace until he can’t walk into a room without blushing at the memory.
So maybe that last one hadn’t been on the official to-do list we’d drawn up together, but I was taking it as my royal prerogative, as well as one hell of an incentive to get the rest of the shit done.
And maybe there was one more thing to add, an idea that I didn’t dare to even think on for too long in case it flitted away nervously, as uncomfortable at receiving its well-deserved attention as my lover himself.
Ask the prick to marry me.
*
Chapter Eleven
Jiron pointed at the snare, a thin twist of rope waiting just beyond what he’d identified as a rabbit’s den.
“Something large has disturbed it since we set it earlier,” he said, showing me how the notched trigger had been dislodged. When I took a step forward to move the sticks back into place, he shook his head. “Remember what I said about our scent putting the animals off?”
I crouched and rubbed mud onto my hands, waiting for the approving nod before resetting the trigger. Trapping wasn’t a fun activity by any means: my stomach lurched each time we caught something, yet it growled when we didn’t. I took relief in the fact that Jiron didn’t seem to enjoy it any more than I did – he just got on with it, like the necessary chore it was.
“You’re doing well, little one,” Jiron murmured as we drifted between the other forest traps we’d set up. “I know it’s not something you ever thought you’d need to do as a prince.”
“I never thought about anything I’d need to do,” I admitted, squinting up into the foliage above our heads to spot the bird who had just let out an indignant chirp at our passing. “Everything was just…on hold in Stavroyarsk. I knew I’d eventually be able to return home when the next round of hostages were swapped, but it felt so far away that I never bothered to wonder about what I’d do when I did.”
When I stopped, he paused too, head cocked as he waited for me to continue.
“It hit me, you know, when I was with Val and Mila and they were talking about taking me back to Temar.”
“What did?”
“How utterly fucking useless I am,” I said bitterly, drawing back my foot to kick at a rock and then remembering the importance of not disturbing the ground any more than we had to – both for the game we were hunting and for anyone huntingus.“I have absolutely no skills to speak of. I can’t fight, can’t navigate politics like Ren can, can’t draw or sing for shit, and…” I threw up my hands to emphasise the point.
“And that’s all you consider useful?” Jiron asked.
“I just…”
“Mathias. Do you have any idea how many lives you’ve changed in the last few months alone?”
I scowled. “What, by kissing someone of thewrong genderand riling up the continent?”
His mouth twitched fondly. “Somewhat. But I was talking about the people who’ve met you. Every servant and commoner you were kind to, when they may not have ever received kindness from someone of your rank before. Every noble you challenged into questioning themselves, every woman you inspired into pushing back on what they were told they couldn’t have, every Quarehian to whom you proved northerners are not as evil and barbaric as we would have believed.” He wrapped a huge arm around my shoulders and pulled me close, tucking me against his side. “Every precocious prince you helped shape into a king.”
“He’s going to be magnificent,” he whispered, and just as I was about to agree, he added, “with you at his side.”
I tripped over something unseen on the ground but Jiron held onto me, effortlessly keeping me upright.
“That’s not…Ren doesn’t need me,” I said awkwardly. But fuck, I neededhim.
