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They wouldn’t let him go into the trauma room with her. No shocker, there. No one really knew what Jarrod felt for her yet. Hell, he barely had until faced with the idea that he could lose her in an instant. He had never told her.
He wanted a chance to tell her.
Daniel was there.
Silent. Fear on his face. And fury.
Jarrod was having a hard damned time not blaming himself—or Daniel. He wanted to drive his fist into the other man’s face. Just because. Even though this was one of his best friends, the anger was just there. Because they had both failed her.
But he knew with one look—Daniel was blaming himself, too. That had his own anger dissipating. Daniel was hurting too. Of all the men in the world, this one understood the pain Jarrod felt right now. That made them brothers. Brothers, really. “Hell, Dan, it wasn’t your fault, man. You thought she was safe in the building. We thought we could trust Kimball. We both know that.”
“I still let her down. Guarded by the damned wolves I wanted to protect her from. I thought she was safe in the damned building. I sent Costovia out with Naylor tonight. I thought Haldyn was safe inside the damned building.”
Daniel looked as sick as Jarrod felt.
“You love her.” Jarrod understood that now.
“I have loved Haldyn for fifteen years. There was some attraction before. When we were younger, both in our twenties. Right after she’d finished undergrad, was in grad school. She was nervous, skittish. Afraid, of my job, mostly, I think. And had I been ready, I probably would have pursued it more than I did. Less of a damned coward. And then this damned TSP took over. A guy I considered my closest friend was killed LOD. And I let this place…take over. Consume me...it’s not worth being your everything. I’m learning that more and more every day. I don’t think the TSP is worth what it keeps costing. Me, or anyone else…good.”
Daniel was just another victim in this war. Jarrod understood that on the deepest level. And now…fear that he might lose Haldyn to it… “I get it.”
“What was that about out there? The way you two were looking at each other. What Kimball was saying. Truth, Jarrod. What happened between you?”
Daniel looked at him. Jarrod hesitated. He didn’t want to hurt the man in front of him. And what he felt for Haldyn would. But he’d always been honest with his friends before. Daniel deserved honesty now. For the woman they both loved. “We…hell, things have happened between us, Dan. And I don’t regret it. Not even for a moment. Just that it took so damned long for me to stop being a dumbass. I should have scooped her up the first time she gave that little smirk she does and just kissed the hell out of her. Years ago. She’s gotten beneath my skin for years. I was too clueless to figure out why. I wish I had gotten her the hell away from the TSP forever after that damned choir shooting.”
“You have a thing for her.” Daniel straightened. Anger crossed his face for just a quick instant. And hurt. Jarrod would never forget the hurt on his friend’s face. Then Daniel just deflated. “I guess I should have expected it. You were with her day in and day out. Maybe it had been bound to happen. Maybe it’s why I assigned you to watch her in the first place. Instead…of guarding her myself.”
Jarrod just snorted at that. “Trying to punish yourself?”
“Maybe. I…regrets. Maybe I should have acted years ago. Too late now, I suppose, since you have a thing for her now.” Daniel looked at him. The look in his eyes—Jarrod would always remember. “Don’t live with the same regrets I have, Foster. Just don’t. She is the one woman I’ve ever even came close to thinking I could even try with, and I backed off. Told myself I wasn’t who she needed. I just wavered. Every time. I let the TSP matter more. Told myself there would be a better time later. Until the years were just gone. Don’t repeat that mistake. The TSP is not worth the cost sometimes. Tonight…just makes that even clearer.”
Daniel checked his phone. They were waiting for word from the searchers. Hope and Madison were out there somewhere, still. A part of Jarrod wanted to be out there searching for them. Doing anything but just sitting there waiting. Doing something.
But Haldyn—there was no way in hell he was leaving her now. Ever. That woman was his everything. And she always would be.
“I have more than a thing for her. I just haven’t had a chance to tell her. I’m going to, though. As soon as I can.” And he wasn’t going to stop telling her that either. For the rest of his life, if she’d let him.
“I see.” Daniel just looked at him for the longest time. Storms in his eyes. Hurts. “When she’s back on her feet, if you hurt her, I’m going to shove my fist down your throat, understand?”
“Noted.” Jarrod couldn’t just stand there. He started pacing. Stopped by the windows, studying the still flashing blues and reds. There were cops on the perimeter—there was the other forensics team pulling in now. Someone would have to update them about what was going on. Tell them about Haldyn, Hope, and Madison.
Movement caught his attention. Off to the side.
Jarrod just stared for a moment. Then he bolted.
Jarrod just ran—Daniel a yard behind him.
To the women who were in the ambulance entrance now.
Jarrod reached Madison’s side first. “How in the hell did you get here?”
Madison just looked at him like she’d never seen him before. “Hope…help…”
Madison looked battered and exhausted. Heather’s twin sister was still bleeding. Heather was bearing the brunt of Hope’s weight now.
“I’ve got her.” He took Heather’s little sister from them and hefted Hope into his arms, as gently as he could. Hope’s head lolled back, her dark hair hanging down his arm in a filthy braid. He would never forget the sight of her in his arms. Or the blood.
Or just how fragile their gremlin felt in that moment.
