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It’s almost dawn. I’ve grown careless. I pull myself over the windowsill and slide silently into his room. His soft breathing reassures me. Bending, I gather his discarded garments from the floor. I press them to my face and taste them. My cocks stir. He turns, calling out for me and I hurry away.
“I wasn’t used to being denied.”
Tamsin’s soft laughter makes me aware of the irony of me telling her this. “So not much has changed, huh?” She nudges me.
“I’m afraid not.”
“Hey. Sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel worse.”
I sigh. “You’re right, though.” She is, isn’t she? Even now, hundreds of years later I’m no wiser. I have no more control of myself than I did then. “One night the desire for him got too much for me. I snuck into his bedroom. There he was, laying on his back, sleeping so peacefully. So beautiful. Not like you at all, but so much like you. Vibrant. Lovely.”
Tamsin opens her mouth to speak, but I need this over with. I cover her mouth gently with my fingertips.
“I woke him somehow. I touched him. Knocked something. I forget. All I remember is his beautiful eyes opening and the shadow of a smile crossing his face. Then—” I break off, lifting my hand from her mouth to gesture behind us at the cellar. “You saw.” My voice comes out choked.
Tamsin slides her arms around my middle and crushes her head to my chest. “I’m sorry.”
I’m stiff. It’s not only the cold, but the guilt. I don’t deserve her pity. I can’t hug her back.
“I should have never followed him. I should have left him alone.”
“Or maybe you should have told him what you were. So he would have known.”
“Did that protect you?” I think again of her reaching for my glasses, flailing wildly, struggling. My heart drops in my chest like a lead weight. I don’t know what I intended by bringing her here. To convince her I’m dangerous, I suppose. If anything, I think I’ve convinced myself that I can’t have her. “Does it protect you now?”
“That’s different.”
“Is it?” Forcing my tail to take my weight, I lift myself off the seat. Her arms slip from me and I instantly miss her heat. “I cannot believe I didn’t see it until now. I’m very sorry. This was all a mistake. I will call my driver to take you home.”
“Erserro, that’s not what I meant.”
I turn my back on her, refusing to look. I can’t have her. I can’t believe I was stupid enough or weak enough to think that I could.
Instead of helping her back to the house, I flee like a coward without looking back.
I call in my staff and take myself to my inner city apartment, so I don’t have to be alone in the cold mansion with the ghost of my guilt haunting my cellar.
FOURTEEN
Tamsin
I don’t even try to go after Erserro when he turns away from me. He’s clearly hurting too much and he doesn’t want to talk. I know when to give a guy some space. So I go back and collect my things and let his driver take me home.
I’m a little nervous when I turn the key in the door and call out to Missy. I know Erserro said he had someone feed her, but until I see with my own eyes she’s OK, I can’t help imagining the worst.
Her little mew as I enter calms me a little and when I find her on the sofa, she pushes her nose into my palm for pats and I let out a sigh of relief. “I’m sorry, puss. I didn’t mean to leave you all by yourself for so long. Forgive me.”
She gets sick of pats and gives me a warning bite that I take to mean we’re back to normal. I’m glad she doesn’t seem more angry to be honest.
I make her a dish of food and take her over to the kitchen to eat. Then I check my phone. There’s a message from Erserro and I open it, hoping this means he’s ready to talk. What I’m not expecting is complete rejection.
Erserro: Thank you for your time. I apologize again for my mistake. I have deposited the money for the rest of the month as agreed in compensation. However, I will not require your services again. I wish you all the best
That sounds very much like I’m never going to see him again.
I hit reply and try three times to type something professional and polite, but I can’t do it.
I know what we had wasn’t real in the sense a romantic relationship is real, but I can’t help feeling it went beyond the normal client relationship I have with other guys I see.
