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It will get better.
It doesn’t stop me hating every moment. Every tear.
I wish I could wipe them all, stop them all. I want to protect her from ever feeling this way again.
I’ve never felt like this about anyone before. The mating venom only solidifies it. Even without it, I know what this is.
It’s love.
I might have been waiting centuries, but that’s what it is.
Why didn’t I realize it would feel like this?
My fangs flood with venom, urging me to use this moment to make her mine.
Despite myself, my fingers tighten in her hair.
She tilts her head to look up at me and her lashes are dark with moisture from her tears. So trusting. So lovely.
If I change her, it’s only a matter of time before she hurts someone she cares about. Then she would have to grieve that for the next few hundred years. I’m not clear how long she’ll live if I change her. Basilisks are rare and changed mates even rarer.
I just know what it feels like to turn a piece of your own heart to stone and live numb like that for centuries afterward.
How long would it take her to hate me for it?
I don’t say anything to her right away. It would be too much for her to take right now with everything she’s been through today.
Instead, I wait while she clears the last of her grandmother’s things in the storage shed. I take her home and make sure she eats and tuck her into her bed.
The blue-eyed cat glares so balefully at me from the sofa I find it hard to believe it’s blind as Tamsin says. If Tamsin questions why I bring her back to her apartment instead of to one of my homes, she doesn’t voice it. She doesn’t say much. Just curls up in my arms after dinner while I stroke her hair and indulge myself tasting her scent.
It’s probably going to be something I regret later. Only I can’t deny myself one final chance.
She smells and feels so good.
My biggest regret is I’ll never see her gorgeous face again without my glasses on.
Sneaking out is harder than I thought it would be. I consider leaving a note, but in the end I can’t find the right words.
I agonize over many and end up scrunching and destroying what feels like half a ream of paper before I finally give up.
In the end, the words come to me in the early morning while I lay in torpor in my own bed. When the sun finally rises and its rays come through my window, I stir, lifting my hand and fumbling for my phone. I type the words I would never have the courage to say to her face to face.
Erserro: I love you. I hope one day you can believe it. That’s why this has to be goodbye. Please understand
If basilisks could cry, I think I might right now. I’m not certain what it feels like, only that my throat is tight, and my eyes sting with pent up emotion.
This has to be goodbye.
It’s what I tell her. If I hold her again...
Well, best not to think about it.
I block her number, then get up and fling my phone against the wall for good measure, taking satisfaction in the crunching noise it makes as it smashes.
I’ll have Rachel get me a new one today.
Even my sunbed doesn’t warm the cold in my bones. After the timer sounds, I push aside the hood and slide out, just as numb as I did when I crawled in.
