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I’m tempted beyond belief to venture into the guest suite and inhale her flavor, or what I can get of it from the sheets. That will never do.
Instead, I pack my things, find my Jag, and take her for a long, winding drive.
When that still doesn’t make me feel better, I park at my inner city apartment and head for the sauna.
It’s infuriating not being able to check on her. What if I acted too quickly? What if she wasn’t ready?
I shake my head. She’s strong. She doesn’t need me.
Too bad I need her like sunlight.
I last a few more hours before I’m shrugging on a black silk shirt and taking to the streets. I can try to pretend I’m not hunting her, stalking her like prey. I’ve stayed in my true form, though. The better to slide smoothly over the pavement without making a sound. So I’m not kidding anyone.
I take a path to her neighborhood and wait.
And wait.
Too much time passes. I linger beneath her building. I can’t let her see me.
I just need to see she’s OK.
Will she take more clients?
The thought makes me sick, but what else is she supposed to do?
I make a mental note to have one of my staff set up a regular payment into her account so she never has to. I tell myself I’ll just have to check on her every night. I’ll follow her carefully, never letting on that I’m here. I’ll just make damn sure she never gets into another situation she can’t get out of.
If I fail to keep my distance, if I let down my guard, then I only have to take a trip down into the cellar to remind me why I’m doing this. Why I can never change her, never mate her.
Never, never, never make her mine.
NINETEEN
Tamsin
I lift my phone for the hundredth time that morning, hoping against hope there will be a new message, a missed call. Anything from Erserro to say he made a mistake. That he can’t do it.
I wasn’t surprised when I rolled over in bed and he wasn’t there. I know he doesn’t need to sleep, and honestly, I saw the way Missy’s tail flicked every time he moved last night. I wouldn’t risk permanent scarring and disfigurement by staying in the bed with her when she didn’t want me there either.
Then I looked for him and found the apartment empty.
Somehow, I knew before I even saw his message.
It just makes it worse that he thinks he’s doing this for me.
I hate thinking about him trailing around his huge mansion by himself or standing in the chill of the cellar berating himself without me there to tell him to let it go.
As much as I’d like to wallow in my sadness today, I can’t. Clearing out the storage unit means I’m not accruing any more debt, but I still have thousands to pay off and a credit card debt that’s heading that way, too.
Instead of browsing eBay for a mountain of trivial things to fill the well, though, I go straight to the seller’s tab. I’m turning over a new leaf. Starting now.
I spend the rest of the morning listing. Gran’s fur coat, the six pairs of shoes Erserro bought me, five purses, and countless dresses and tops that still have the tag on.
It will go a long way, but there’s one item that would cover all my debt and more if I sold it.
Heading for my bedroom, I open the drawer in my dressing table and pull out the velvet pouch with the heavy diamond necklace. It winks back at me from my open palm, so beautiful and sparkly I fall in love with it all over again.
Not yet. I’m not ready yet. Maybe tomorrow.
