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“How strange.” I keep my voice pleasant. “Could you check and see his next available time for me? I’m sure he won’t want to forget this.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. It seems there’s nothing here. I’m checking through December and it’s all blocked out. What if I ask one of our board members to take this meeting?”
“Sure.” My heart is back on the floor, and it’s all I can do to keep from crying over the phone.
“I’ll have someone call you back just as soon as I can, Sarah.”
“Uh huh.” I give her a made up number and hang up, trailing to the bench where Erserro and I sat together the day he told me about Bellus. I sit for a long while, until I’ve collected myself. Until the sun is setting. Missy will be waiting for her dinner. Still, I can’t bring myself to go home.
Stretching stiff muscles, I walk down the path and try the door of the cellar. It’s open.
It’s almost pitch black inside. I use the light on my phone to illuminate the way, uncertain where the light switch is. Theway it illuminates Bellus makes his expression seem sadder than usual.
“Was he this goddamn stubborn when you knew him?” I ask him.
He doesn’t answer.
He doesn’t need to. I know he was.
I stay for a little while longer, but I know in my heart he’s not coming back here anytime soon.
Eventually, I bid Bellus goodbye and go home to my apartment and my cat. I don’t know how, but somehow I have to outlast the monster who is hundreds of years old, bide my time, and wait for my chance to ambush him when he thinks I’ve forgotten.
I just have to figure out what the hell to do with myself until then.
TWENTY
Tamsin
Jordan: Hey, babe. I’ll pick you up at 7 yeah?
I sigh, setting aside the memorial cards I’m designing and picking up my phone. I probably won’t have time to wash my hair, but that doesn’t matter. Not like I really want to go on this date anyway.
What’s the best way to make it look like you’ve forgotten an old lover? Dating, of course. No matter how many shitty first dates I have to go on.
If I really want to be convincing, I should probably pick one of these guys and see him for a while, but I can’t bring myself to do that.
Tamsin: sure. Thx looking forward to it
What a lie.
At least, I don’t have to feel bad for him. Pretty sure Jordan is as big a fuckboy as they come. I picked him exclusively for that reason, since nothing else about him is appealing.
That’s how I prefer it.
Really, I find it harder and harder to see anything remotely attractive in anyone these days. No one else compares to my flamboyant, handsome, deadly basilisk.
My goddamn stubborn basilisk.
It’s been months, though, and I’ve heard nothing.
Every time I try to contact him, I’m blocked at every turn.
When 6:45 rolls around I’m still finishing the cards. I’m not quite happy with the shade of blue I’ve chosen, but I have the feeling it will look better when it’s printed. I wonder if I havetime to run it to the printer tomorrow before the funeral on Monday.
It’s funny how a job at a funeral parlor has brought me so much joy. It’s never something I even thought about. Only, when I couldn’t go back to sex work, I saw it advertised. I don’t need to work, of course. Erserro is still depositing money in my account every month. But what else am I going to do with my time? I’ve gotta do something.
The feeling of helping people say goodbye is cathartic. Like I’m making this really awful time just that little bit easier for them. Taking a bit of their burden away. Creating memories of their loved ones for them to hold onto has helped me think about my own memories of Gran.
