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The letters kept a level of distance in our relationship. It wasn’t like I didn’t believe there to be another person on the other side of the envelopes. More like I couldn’t see or touch him, so it was safe to live out all my wildest fantasies with him.
Even the ones where I called another man Daddy.
“It’s not weird at all. I don’t know how to explain it without sounding like I’m delusional.”
“It’s ok to be delusional sometimes. Daddy tells me to dream big all the time. If you were to dream big, what would that look like? What’s the big dream, Ashley?”
I didn’t even have to think about it. “To have a family.”
Elton smiled at me as he gave an understanding nod. “I think you might find yourself living the dream sooner than you think. The others already consider you one of us. It’s only a matter of time until you catch up with our way of thinking.”
My mouth went dry as I tried to accept his words. I knew what this place felt like. And I knew what I wanted it to be. Problem was, I didn’t have the only say in things. If Corey and I were to ever split, then I’m sure they’d all pick his side.
Granted, I don’t ever want to think of a time when he wasn’t my Daddy. I would be miserable.
“What are you two doing just standing around? It’s time to eat.” Beau rubbed his hands together as he licked his lips. He rushed up the stairs to head inside.
“We should get in there. He’ll eat the place down. Him and Corey both.”
I followed him into the house where a bunch of the other guys had already made it in. I stood around watching them get their plates filled. It felt like the most natural thing in the world to be with these men, even though I hadn’t been here all that long.
When a set of arms wrapped around me from behind, I grinned. “You shouldn’t wait until they’ve plowed through there. You’ll miss all the best options.”
Turning to face him, I let my smile widen. “I didn’t want to start without you.”
I hadn’t realized it was true until that very moment. As welcome as I felt with the whole crew, there was a special feeling I got when Corey was around. It was like he fit perfectly into the puzzle piece shaped hole in my life.
“I’m here now. Let’s get some food in my baby’s belly.”
He led the path through the crowd of men until we were lined up next to the buffet style spread on the kitchen counter. Daddy grabbed two plates, then gave me the stink eye as I reached for my own.
“These aren’t both for me, silly. Is there anything here you won’t eat?” I shook my head. “Good boy.”
I watched him pile food on the plate patiently. After he finished to his liking, he handed me the stack of food and motioned to the table.
Following his silent instruction, I took off for a space where we could sit together. A lot of the guys had already torn through their food and were getting up to put their dishes away.
I slipped into a spot when Holt stood. As I sat, I felt someone approach the empty seat beside me. I looked up to find Daddy there with a knowing grin. He could tell I was about to ask the person to leave the seat empty for him.
“Busted,” I told him.
Once we were both seated, we dove into the meal. There wasn’t much to talk about with how busy we’d all been today, but it was nice to have him close.
It felt good.
It felt natural.
It felt like family.
—
Dear Ashley,
I have a confession to make.
Ok, wow, that was weird. I know you're not a priest or anything, so I don't know why I just made that type of intro. Let's try again.
I'm hoping I could maybe talk to you about something to see if you have any perspective on it. It's hard to know what you're thinking since this letter is one sided, but I'm going to go with the assumption that you're nodding right now and telling me to continue.
