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“They could have asked Toby too. He’s their friend.” Ellie argues.
“Is he?” Rain asks, turning her attention to me, then back to Ellie. “I’m not sure if you’ve seen it, but Toby and Lilly haven’t been as close as they used to.”
“It’s because Toby started school. Things change, people grow. It doesn’t mean they’re not still friends.” Ellie’s brows furrow.
Unease rushes through me as I get to my feet.
“If you’ll excuse me, I gotta go,” I mutter, stepping past them and heading to my car, fists clenched, body taut, and rage flowing through my veins.
So, they’re doing shit behind my back? I can understand Lilly not wanting to be around me right now, but why is Bishop lying to me?
“Toby!” Rain yells my name, stopping next to me as I pull the door handle open.
“What?” I snarl out.
“Don’t you get snippy with me,” she warns. “I don’t know what's going on with you lately, but you need to know, we’re here for you. For anything, everything. You should know that by now.”
I do. What they did for me, it’s more than a lot of parents would do. “I know.”
“I love you, you little shit. You're my son... but Lilly is my daughter. You’ve been hurting her and I don’t appreciate it. Whatever has you holding back, let it go. Whatever is keeping you from loving Lilly like I damn well know you do, let that shit go. Because I can promise you, you're only going to end up hurting her more than whatever reason is in your head that has you believing you're doing what's best for her.”
“You don’t know anything,” I say through clenched teeth, heart pounding.
“I know a lot more than you’d think. But I can’t tell you what to do. It’s your life, your choice. But Bishop and Lilly? Do not, and I repeat, do not come between their friendship. She needs him just as much as she needs you. She already lost one of you. Don’t be the reason she loses someone else.” She glares at me before spinning around on her heel and heading back into the house.
Getting into the car, I slam the door shut with a force that shakes the frame. I’m peeling out of the driveway and making my way to the rink in seconds.
When I get there, I see Bishop’s Jeep.
Closing my eyes, I do something I never do. I put my head on the steering wheel and I cry.
I cry because I’m so fucking confused. I know my reasons for not allowing myself to be with Lilly don’t make sense to anyone but me. But she doesn’t know the things they’ve said. The things I’ve heard. The things I’ve had to fucking do to keep her safe.
I just want to keep her fucking safe!
But she hates me, and I hate myself. I feel like taking this fucking car and driving it off the nearest cliff. But that would only hurt her more, and I can’t do that.
I don’t know why I’m here. I’m not in any mindset to be teaching kids how to skate. But I get out of the car and make my way inside the building anyway.
When I get there, I find a bunch of kids, happy and excited as their parents help them lace up their skates.
A few of the parents know me, some are regulars at my grandparents’ restaurant. I say hi, smile and chat a little, walking with one of the parents as we head towards the rink.
As if I have some kind of magical sense to know when she’s near, I look up and there she is. She’s dressed in a hoodie and leggings. She’s in her skates, her cheeks pink from the cold air, or maybe from previously skating.
“Toby.” she says with a confused whisper.
“Hey, sorry about that,” Bishop says, skating over to Lilly as I walk towards them. He looks over at me with surprise. “Hey, man.” He nods. “What are you doing here?”
“Why don’t you tell me why you didn’t bother to ask me to help out with this?” I wave my hand towards the rink and look at Lilly. “Mom told me you were supposed to ask me.”
“I was,” she admits, giving me a blank look.
“Then why didn’t you?” I ask.
“Because.” A flash of hurt flickers across her face as she steps off the ice and towards me. “Being around you hurts, Toby.” Her voice cracks. “I hate this. I hate the distance. But you hurt me. You rejected me. And no, I don’t hate you. And no, I’m not cutting you from my life. And no, I didn’t give up on the friendship we used to have, if that's something we can even get back. But it’s going to take time. And this—” she points to her heart, “—is still too raw.” Tears fill her eyes and my hands twitch to reach up and brush them away.
I want to pull her in my arms, tell her I love her, and make everything okay. But I can’t because I’m the problem.
