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Her screams of pain still echo in my head, causing me to puke again as tears spill from my eyes.
That night changed everything for the worst. Cops and an ambulance came to get Tod. I was arrested but let out on bail.
There was a court hearing, and in the end, I got off with a hefty fine. Tod and his family got rich, thanks to Brody doing whatever he could to get me out of that situation. Money helped, but so did my lawyer. He used the fact that I was off my meds, and I was having a manic episode, as our argument in court.
All of this was done quietly and out of the public eye. To this day, Lilly still has no idea what happened.
As for Tod’s friends, they were paid off too. Not much damage was done to them, and they took the deal without another thought.
The worst part of it all was Tod was able to roam free. I told the judge everything he said about what he wanted to do to Lilly. But because it was just words and not actions, they didn’t charge him with anything. Although we did get an order of protection on him. My parents didn’t want him to be able to come anywhere near Lilly.
They were horrified, and after they found out why I lost it, they didn’t hound me again. They agreed to keep everything from Lilly because it would only upset her and cause her to worry.
Two months into my first year of SVU, Tod was arrested and charged for brutally raping a girl.
I almost broke down when I found that out. It’s part of the reason I put that distance between Lilly and me. I couldn’t look at her without thinking of those awful images. I put all my time and energy into school and hockey. Even though I was on my meds, it wasn’t enough. I needed the fight club. It kept me from going over the edge for good.
When I finally stumble out of the bathroom, I can see the sun streaming through the crack in the curtains. It’s morning, and I’m sure my family has been going crazy not knowing where I am.
Grabbing my phone, wallet, and keys, I slip on my sneakers and head out to my car. When I check, I see I have a hundred missed text messages and forty calls from all my parents, Jonas, and Bishop.
Putting my phone down, I open the glove compartment and grab the bottle of pills. Opening it, I pop one in my mouth and swallow it whole. Then I bring up the contact of the one person I trust more than anyone and press call.
It rings only once before I hear a frantic voice on the other end. “Toby! Where are you? Are you okay?”
“No,” my voice cracks. I close my eyes, tears streaming down my face and do something that I normally don’t like to do. I ask for help. “I’m not okay. Dad, I need you. Please.”
Chapter 32
Lillianna
I’ve just finished getting dressed when Jonas steps into the locker room. “Lilly?” His voice is cautious and soft.
Angrily, I wipe at my tears with the back of my sleeve. My body trembles as he steps into view. His eyes go wide when he sees how much of a mess I am.
“Are you okay?” he asks in a rush as he hurries over to me.
“I’m fine,” my voice cracks. Lie, I’m not fine. I’m anything but fine. I’m pissed. So fucking pissed at Toby right now.
Something isn’t right with him, and I hate that it took what just happened for me to see it. Whatever it is, I want answers.
He looked so scared, like he was so convinced that he hurt me. He was convinced that he was a monster and he looked horrified at what he did.
I’m hurt, so fucking hurt right now, that my chest aches, and I feel sick. But I also can’t help but feel for him. I don’t understand why he’s so convinced he’s no good for me.
“Lills,” Jonas says my name in a low, dangerous growl. “If he hurt you, I’ll fucking kill him.”
“He didn’t.” I shake my head. Because even if Toby thought he hurt me, I loved every moment of what we did. I don’t care that I lost my virginity so roughly, or that my first time was in a locker room. The only thing that matters to me is that it was with him.
“You’re crying. He had to have done something.”
“Can we just forget about it, please?” I shake my head. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
He looks like he wants to argue but lets out a heavy sigh. “Come on.” He wraps his arm around my shoulder, and I lean into his touch, trying not to cry again.
I’m a bundle of emotions right now. I’m pissed that he ran again. I’m sad because everything was so good, until it wasn’t. And I’m hurting not just for myself, but for him too. And I’m confused. So damn fucking confused. This push and pull is giving me whiplash.
One moment, he’s telling me he loves me and I’m his. For a second, I thought this was it, he’s finally going to give in. I didn’t plan on making it easy for him, he was going to have to work hard to earn my trust again, but I thought he was over all this bullshit.
