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She looks at me, eyes wide as she bites her lips together. “Oh my god,” she whispers, looking over at the cracked door. “Do you think they’re fucking in there?”
Another moan has me wanting to break into giggles again. “Maybe?”
Her eyes light up with glee. “We should peek.”
“No!” I laugh. “What if we see someone's butt.”
She rolls her eyes. “Yeah, because butts are far more scandalous than seeing a penis.”
I blink, not even thinking about that. God, how drunk am I? “I’ve never seen a penis before. And I don’t want to see some random guy’s.” I scrunch up my nose. Okay, so I have seen penises before, in porn and online, but never in person.
“Don’t be such a prude.” She rolls her eyes. “We’re in college now, do you know how much dick we’re going to see at college parties?” She grabs my arm and pulls me toward the door
“I’m not looking,” I whisper-yell at her.
“Fine, but I am.” She grins at me, then tip-toes over to the door. She pauses, looking in. Then I see the smile on her face slowly melt away before her face goes pale and her eyes go comically wide.
She shakes her head and rushes over to me, grabbing my arm. “Nevermind. You don’t want to see that anyways.”
I pull my arm out of her grasp, my heart beating faster in alarm. “Bee, what did you see?”
She bites her lip, looking toward the door and back to me. “It doesn’t matter. Come on, babe, let’s go pee. Then we can go dance with some cute guys.” She reaches for me again, but I pull out of her grasp. I look at her, my feet walking me backward toward the door.
I know in my gut, I don’t want to see what's happening in that room, but it’s like I can’t help it.
“Lilly!” Bianca's tone is pleading, and now I have to know.
Stopping, I look toward the crack and peek in. I immediately wish I listened to her, that we did our business and went back downstairs. Because what I’m seeing makes me want to hurl everything I’ve drank tonight.
Toby sits on the edge of the bed, leaning back, his eyes shut in pure bliss. His fingers are laced through some blonde’s hair as she kneels between his legs...with his cock in her mouth.
He lets out a low rumbling groan, lips parted as the girl bobs up and down, sucking him like he’s her favorite lollipop.
My eyes sting as everything grows blurry. My stomach turns, and I slap my hand over my mouth, spin around, and run to the room I hope is the bathroom.
Thankfully, when I throw open the door, there's a toilet in there. I rush over to it and just make it before I heave everything up.
“Fuck,” Bianca hisses, and I hear the door click behind me. “I’m so fucking sorry you had to see that. I tried to warn you.”
I groan, flush the toilet, and place my head against the seat. I don’t say anything, knowing if I try, I’ll break. Just like my heart is doing right now.
I’m utterly gutted. I feel like someone shoved their hand in my chest and ripped my heart out, squeezing it tightly between their fingers until it burst.
A part of me knew he’s been with girls. Why wouldn’t he be? He’s good looking and a solid hockey player. I know puck bunnies throw themselves at him; I’ve seen them do it at his games.
But I’ve made myself oblivious, lying to myself, convincing myself that he’s still a virgin. But seeing it with my own eyes, I can’t play dumb anymore.
God, it hurts so much.
“You want to go home?” she asks, rubbing my back.
“No.” I shake my head. “No.” I get up and go over to the sink to rinse out my mouth. “What I want to do is get white-girl wasted. I want to drink so much, I black the fuck out.”
I’m not thinking right. I’m letting the pain of what I just saw fuel my shitty choices.
“I don’t know, Lills.” She looks at me with concern.
“Not enough to hurt myself, but enough to forget about tonight until tomorrow morning.” I give her a pleading look, still trying to hold back the tears. “I don’t need to remember that. Ever.”
