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She chews on her bottom lip for a moment before nodding. “Alright. Let’s go get drunk. And dance!”
“I’d say make out with some cute boys, but...” I look over at the toilet and shake my head.
“Come on.” She laughs.
We pee, wash our hands and leave the bathroom, heading back down the hall. As if I can’t help myself, my eyes find the door. Only it’s shut now.
Is he in there fucking her? Or did he finish and now they’re at the party?
Doesn’t matter. Because I’m about to be too drunk to care.
We head back down to the party and over to where all the drinks are. We grab a few coolers from the ice bucket, crack them open, and chug them. I pray that the nausea from what I’ve seen goes away so I can keep drinking. The idea of that image being engraved in my mind has me drinking a little faster.
“There you both are. What took you so long?” Jonas asks, joining us. I drink the last mouthful and sigh, wiping my mouth off with the back of my hand and burp.
Jonas looks at me with an amused grin, but I wipe it clean off when I tell him, “Just saw some puck bunny choking on my stepbrother’s cock. And now I need to get shit-faced so I can erase that image from my mind,” I tell him, giving him a fake-as-fuck smile before I turn around and grab a bottle of tequila.
“Body shots!” I shout, and it’s followed by a round of rowdy cheers.
“Lilly,” Jonas says warily.
I turn to him. “I’m getting blackout drunk. So, you can go about your night and have fun, or you can babysit my ass and make sure I don’t hurt myself. But either way, I’m doing this.”
He groans, scrubbing his face with his hands. “You’re lucky, you're my best friend.”
“Love you too, babe.” I lean up and kiss him on his cheek before turning to Bee. “Let’s do this!”
I know I’m not being smart, but I’m too heartbroken and already too tipsy to care. I know I’m going to hate myself in the morning, but all I can think about right now is forgetting. Forgetting Toby and my stupid love for him. Forgetting the fact that he will never want me in the way I want him, and most of all forgetting about him being with that girl. The way he moaned, enjoying everything she was doing with her mouth.
Because in this moment, no matter how dramatic it might seem, I feel like if I don’t I might just die of a shattered heart.
Chapter 6
Tobias
Isneer at the man staring back at me in the mirror. I’m disgusted with myself. All I want to do is go home and scrub my dick clean.
I never learn. Every time I hook up with a chick, I always end up hating myself. And then thoughts of her consume me, taking up every inch of my mind. Then I find myself doing whatever I can to forget.
Only I don’t want to forget about her, not really. I love Lilly with every fucking inch of my being. I would die for her, kill for her. But it’s wrong. So fucking wrong. She can’t be mine. I can never have her.
It doesn’t stop me from seeing her when I close my eyes, though. Or thinking of her when my hand is wrapped around my cock. Or when it’s down another girl’s throat.
I’m sick. So fucked up. Because I shouldn’t be thinking about her, not when I’m with another girl. She’s so much better than any of them and doesn’t deserve to be associated with my messed up fantasies.
When I came to this party, I didn’t plan on hooking up with anyone. I never do. I never want to. But then Bishop was talking about Lilly and Bianca and how things will be different with them here this year. My mind got stuck on Lilly, on how she will be right across the hall from me.
Where her boyfriend will fucking visit. The thoughts of them fucking so damn close to me filled me with rage. Having to listen to her scream his name while he’s balls fucking deep in her was too much. So I drank... and drank and drank. So when Ruby, a puck bunny who’s had her eye on me all last year, offered to take my mind off things, I stupidly agreed.
It felt nice at the moment, but after I came down her throat and she pulled back, licking her lips while giving me a sultry smile, I felt sick. I felt like I was betraying Lilly and my feelings for her. And it’s fucked up. Because I shouldn’t care, because I shouldn’t have these feelings for my stepsister.
But she’s not my stepsister, at least, not to me. She’s never been that to me.
Fifteen years ago, my dad took me to a park. At that park was a little blonde girl with a smile and laugh you couldn’t help but be enchanted by. She was only three, and I was six. From that moment, I knew I wanted to be there for her, be her friend, and to protect her at all costs.
Then our parents started dating and she became my person. I hated doing anything without her, always needing to be near her. And when I wasn’t, I worried.
When Lilly was three, someone attempted to kidnap her. Thankfully, her father, Chase, got to her in time before anything happened. But Lilly told me about that day, and I remember crying angry tears because I wasn’t there to keep her safe.
