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“I can’t help it. It feels like the good old days.” He sighs in a wistful way, being overly dramatic about the whole situation.
“What are you talking about?” I lean back against the door.
“The way you used to follow Lilly around like a little puppy, nipping at anyone’s heels who got too close. It’s been a while.”
“I never followed her around.” I roll my eyes. “It just so happens that she was always with us. Which I liked, so...” I shrug.
“Because you never gave her a choice,” he snorts. “You’ve been her big bad watchdog since the moment she came into your life.” He leans back, placing both arms behind his head, letting out a smug sigh. “Hey, don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. Lilly is one of my best friends. I’m right there with you, wanting to make sure she is happy and whoever she goes out with is worthy of her.”
“No one is.” Not even me. Especially not me. “And didn’t I ask you to hang out with her so she wouldn’t go out on dates?”
He gives me a dry look. “Yeah, after she already agreed to go out with Ryan. What did you want me to do, try and talk her out of it? Like that would have gone over well. You know, my friendship with her suffered because of you. And I want that back. It’s bad enough, I’m already risking it if she finds out what I’m doing for you. I’m not going to piss her off by prying into her business and making absurd requests. She’s not stupid, man.”
“I know she’s not fucking stupid. She’s one of the smartest people I’ve ever met,” I snap at him, and the asshole breaks out into a fit of laughter.
“You are so fucking obsessed with her, it’s fucking hilarious.”
“I hate you,” I growl. Walking over to him, I grab one of my pillows and start beating him with it. The fucker just laughs harder.
“Just admit it.” He grabs me, pulling me down onto the bed before getting me in a chokehold. “I know you love her.”
“I do,” I grunt, elbowing him in the head. “You know I do.”
“You're in love with her. Just tell her, for fuck’s sake, and this can all be over.”
“I can’t,” I seethe, getting out of his hold. I stand back up, huffing, brushing the hair out of my face. “You don’t understand, and you don’t have to. I love her, I’m in love with her, and I wish I could be with her more than anything, but it’s not meant to be. The world sees her as my sister, and people fuck with my family as it is. You saw what one person did with just a video and a photo of her. She’s here for four years, this school will fucking eat her alive if they found out she’s fucking her stepbrother.”
I hate that word. I’m not her brother. I’ve never felt like I was. There has always been something more between the two of us. I know she felt it. And a part of me hates it because I’ve hurt her by giving her false hope. I didn’t do anything to make her think otherwise. But I also couldn’t stay away. I needed her in my life. I craved her. She’s the fucking blood that flows through my veins.
But the night of the end-of-the-year, everything changed for me. I went with Lilly and Bishop like I always did. Lilly and I were dancing, a few drinks in us. The way I held her... it wasn’t how a brother should be touching their sister. People were watching and a part of me didn’t care.
She looked so sexy, and I wanted to kiss her pink, pouty lips so damn much, to listen to her moan as I slipped my tongue in and over hers.
I was hard as she pressed up against me and that shook me out of my haze. I had to get out of there before I did something stupid, something that would ruin her.
I needed air, to be by myself, and to think. But then that chick, Tiffany, who had been trying to get my attention for years, followed me. I didn’t want her there, I wanted to be alone.
And when she kissed me, for a moment I tried to like it, tried to see if she could take my mind off the one girl I couldn’t have.
But it felt wrong, so I pushed her away.
When I went back to the party, Bianca said Lilly went outside to do something. I looked for her but couldn’t find her.
That's when Bishop texted me, letting me know that he took her home. Worried about her, I rushed home and found her crying to Rain. I eavesdropped as she spilled everything to her. It was the first time I’ve ever had her feelings for me confirmed.
It made me so fucking happy, but at the same time, it crushed my soul because I knew things she didn’t. I knew how people talked about our family. There’s a good chance our family would be accepting of it, but Lilly has no plans to ever leave Silver Valley. If we were to become more, to confirm the whispers, I couldn’t live with myself for putting her through that kind of ridicule on a daily basis. Mess with me, fine; say something about my family, I’ll defend them. But Lilly? There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to protect her at any cost.
I’ve done it in the past, and I’m still paying for it to this day. But I don’t regret it one fucking bit.
The distance I put between us, I thought it would help. Help me get over her, help her to move on. But the only thing I’ve done is hurt her and make myself fucking miserable.
I’m going to fix it. I just don’t know how yet.
I hate the pitying look on Bishop’s face. “Just this year. That's all I’m asking for. Then, once I’m gone, she’s free to live her life however she wants to, whether I like it or not. We’ll be gone, traveling for the first few years, then when we come back to settle down, maybe the idea of her moving on and being with someone else won't hurt so bad.” I’m lying to myself because I know damn well it will kill me to see her belong to someone else.
I have this year to get back what we had, to enjoy her as much as I can. I’ll keep in touch while I’m gone, but I want to leave here knowing she doesn’t hate me.
“Hey!” A very excited voice says from the other side of my door. I’m over to the peephole in seconds, shoving my face up against the door. It’s him, Ryan. Standing there in his stupid letterman jacket.
