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Bianca, Jonas, and myself have been best friends almost as long as Toby, Bishop, and me.
The only difference is that Bianca and Jonas are in my grade, making it easy to form a friendship with them growing up. Plus, the fact that Bianca is Bishop’s little sister, so she was always around.
How did Jonas and I go from best friends to dating when I was so madly head-over-heels for my stepbrother, you may ask?
The reason has a tinge of guilt bubbling up in my belly. See, after Toby went off to SVU and started to spend more and more time away, I got lonely. I was heartbroken and I felt like I needed someone to fill the void he’d left behind.
Jonas and I ended up hanging out alone one night because Bianca was sick. I’m not sure how it all happened, but the night ended with us kissing and him asking me to be his girlfriend.
I said yes because I did like Jonas. He’s an amazing guy. Tall, black hair, a crooked smile that makes your belly flutter. He made me laugh, and I enjoyed being around him.
If I couldn’t be with Toby, why not be with someone else, right?
Sadly, it’s not that simple. It’s been over a year and a half, and we still act more like best friends than two people in a relationship.
Hell, we hardly kiss. At best, we hold hands, hug, and cuddle. Very PG-13 for a couple of eighteen year olds.
I’m going into university in a few weeks, and I want to go into this new part of my life single, starting fresh. I owe that to the both of us.
And...well, maybe a part of my heart hopes that with me being in the same school as Toby, and not only seeing him on Sundays, maybe we could get that connection back like we once had.
Because I miss it. I miss him. I miss him so much it hurts my heart and soul. I think that’s part of the reason why things never felt right with Jonas; because deep down, I really wanted to be with someone else. Someone I can’t, and may never, have.
Not finding Jonas in the crowd of people in the living room or kitchen, I head out to the backyard. I spot him sitting with a group of his teammates.
Get this, he’s a hockey player too. Guess I have a type. He ended up taking Toby’s goalie position when Toby graduated.
“Hey.” I put my hand on Jonas’ shoulder.
He looks up at me, one of his bright, crooked smiles taking over his handsome face. “Hey, Babe. What’s up? You and Bee still hanging out on the couch talking to the girls?”
By girls, he means the cheer team. Bee and I ended up joining this past year, mostly because my mom, Rain, was filling in for the coach who was off on maternity leave. Now Rain will be back to coach at SVU.
It’s so weird having pretty much all my parents working for the school in some way. My dads, Brody and Chase, coach the football team. Theo is the new dean as of this year.
Mom has her own bookstore that she runs; one I’ve worked at for years now, but she fills in for Rain whenever needed.
Then there’s Jax. He is now the coach of Toby’s hockey team. Jax was set to go pro in the football world, but he ended up hurting his arm and retired from the sport. A few years later, he started playing for the local recreational hockey team. He ended up loving the game and it became his new passion.
He’s been with the Silver Knights Hockey team for the past few years now.
“Can we talk?” I ask, not wanting to do some painful small talk.
“Ah, sure?” His brows furrow, and my belly churns.
I can’t do this, can I? I don’t want to break his heart. He’s been nothing but amazing to me. But I also can’t lead him on. I’m not in love with him, I can’t offer him anymore than what we’ve been doing, and that’s not right.
“Lilly, what’s going on?” he asks me as he pulls me over to the fence. I bite my lower lip, looking up at him with big, guilty eyes.
“I like you. A lot. You're my best friend. You're sweet, kind, and always there for me when I need you. But...”
His face softens into a sad smile. “But that’s all you see us as, just friends?”
My heart pounds in my chest as I nod. “I’m sorry.” Tears fill my eyes, and a cry breaks free when he pulls me into his arms.
“Shhh.” He kisses the top of my head.
“Please, don’t hate me,” I murmur into his chest.
